


Buddy Bizarre

by ChaosComix



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, meta!verse, things I blame on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-28 19:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosComix/pseuds/ChaosComix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Dean and Sam are in Jensen and Jared's place, Dean and Sam's counterparts end up in theirs. The other half of "The French Mistake" episode. Canon!verse + characters from Meta!verse. Head canon ideas kind of exploded on Tumblr, and this is the end result. Title is a Blazing Saddles reference. Rating is for language.</p><p>Spoilers: Takes place during 6.15 though some mention up to the end of Season 6. Also, I assume you should be familiar with the SpN Meta!verse of French Mistake.</p><p>(Cross posted from FF.net)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Now You're Doing the French Mistake

The glass shatters under the weight of a violently thrown Sam and Dean. That part, at least, was to be expected. The part that wasn't expected happened immediately after they crash through the glass. As soon as the brothers finish passing through the frame of the now destroyed window, they vanish.

Virgil turns to face Balthazar and snarls, "What did you do?"

Balthazar smirks and casually brushes off one of his shoulders, "I simply sent them somewhere where neither you, nor Raphael can get them." After deciding his clothes were a lost cause, he glances up at Virgil, and his smirk widens into a large grin. Clearly proud of his actions and the situation that has come of it he continues, "As is the key to the weapons vault."

The weapons' master had been quickly approaching Balthazar, but upon hearing the last remark, he falls just short and immediately stops. A few moments of silence passed with their eyes trained on one another, and neither made an attempt to move. The only sound is the downpour of rain and occasional burst of thunder as lightning rips across the sky outside. Sighing, the rebel angel finally breaks off the staring contest and carefully adjusts his shirt make sure his earlier wound is concealed and then crosses his arms. All while attempting not to wince at the sudden bolt of pain from his left side due to the sudden movement.

Confident that Virgil is still unaware of Balthazar's injury, he happily takes a moment to break the already uncomfortable silence. "I see the wheels in your head turning, but you're not much without your orders. Are you?"

Glaring at his cocky brother, Virgil straightens up and growls, "This isn't over."

As soon as the words are said, he disappears with the sound of fluttering wings just barely heard over the storm. Presumably to ask Raphael for their next plan of action. Whatever the case may be, Balthazar is just glad to be rid of him.

"I hate it when they say that."

Now that all of the problems are out of the way, Balthazar takes a moment to look around the room and survey the damages. Bobby Singer's living room is in disarray between the fighting and the wind from the current storm blowing in through the window. Well, what's left of it. Papers are strewn about and books from the desk and several shelves have now found their way to the floor. Half of the room is already completely wet from the rain, and most of which shouldn't be including previously mentioned books and papers. The left overs of whatever spell Balthazar had used to send off the hunters to only God knows where, not that anyone could ask Him though, has somehow spilled onto Singer's couch.

"Well, that went better than I thought it would."

His amusement, however, turns to confusion when he hears someone groaning. _Someones_ groaning. Balthazar is fairly certain who these _someones_ are, but that doesn't stop him from peering out over the remains of the older and far grumpier hunter's living room window. Sure enough, the pained sounds are coming from the now very wet and covered in glass Winchester brothers.

Another sound of fluttering wings is heard behind Balthazar as problem one and problem two start to stir to consciousness. Balthazar sighs again and drops his head slightly before he turns to find he is in the close proximity of one very perturbed Castiel. Just as Castiel opens his mouth to say something to Balthazar, something that the blond imagines can't be good, the older Winchester yells out.

"What the hell?"

The two angels turn to face the hunters who are completely soaked and furious at the fact. Sam's anger seems to fade as he looks up and around, while Dean continues to be annoyed at his state of attire.

"It didn't say anything about being wet. I hate being wet! And what is this? Real glass? You guys will be lucky if I don't sue-" Dean trails off as he finally glances up. He notices the winged rebels for the first time, who are still inside the house and just simply staring at them.

Sam steps over the window frame into the house followed by Dean, both baffled by the surroundings almost like they have never seen the place before. The younger Winchester's eyes are more focused on trying to avoid stepping on anything, which is proving more difficult as Bobby's belongings are blown around the room. Regardless, he says to no one in particular, "Umm. What's going on?"

Thunder and lightning erupt from the storm outside, something that causes both Sam and Dean to jump. Castiel tilts his head as he curiously studies the two. Then as quickly as the expression came, it's gone. Now the darker haired angel steps closer and his expression carries an intensity that causes both humans to shift nervously under Castiel's scrutiny.

Sam clears his throat and smiles in an attempt to mask his rapidly growing nervousness, "Wow, Misha. You've gotten really g-"

"You are not Sam and Dean Winchester."

Sam or _'Sam'_ is taken aback as Castiel spins to face the other angel with a glare. Balthazar simply scoffs, "What? This was your idea. How was I supposed to know what was going to happen?"

'Sam' turns and shoots 'Dean' a questioning look, while pointing a thumb in the heavenly beings' direction. 'Dean' shrugs in a mix of confusion and annoyance. The taller human steps closer to the other and whispers, "What's going on?"

The older brother seems angry at the fact the younger one is even attempting to talk to him, but answers regardless. "I don't know."

"Where's the cameras?"

"I don't know."

"And the rest of the crew?"

"I don't know!"

The two are rapidly becoming irritated at the situation and each other. Their voices gradually getting louder until the two supposed Winchesters are yelling at one another. "You really don't know anything, do you?"

'Dean' sneers at 'Sam' while jabbing a finger into his brother's chest, "Now listen here you-"

" **ENOUGH.** " Thunder and lightning appears once again as Castiel's voice booms, hints of what seems to be the angel's true voice coming through to the surface. It's not as strong to break anything, but still shakes the house down to its very foundation. The two 'hunters' stare at Castiel in what he considers to be somewhere between awe and complete terror. He's also fairly certain he even heard one of them whimper.

Definitely not the Winchesters.

Balthazar, who has been enjoying the scene transpire, up to this point grins at Castiel, "Look at you, Cassie. Do they always get you this worked up?"

Castiel rolls his eyes, a bad habit he has picked up over time, and faces away from the humans and his increasingly bothersome brother. He knows better than to answer Balthazar's question because answering will only make matters worse, namely incite more of his friend's teasing. Right now, Castiel's main concern is to figure out where the plan went wrong. It's possible the spell didn't properly work or one of the ingredients was incorrect, but that couldn't be the right. Balthazar and Castiel spent days planning this. Everything was perfect. He knew it was. So where did the plan go wrong?

As Castiel faces away from the group thinking about the current issue the shock is finally dissipating and 'Sam' steps forward, albeit hesitantly. "Hey. Misha?"

Castiel spins around to face the group once again, eyebrows furrowed and head tilted to the side, "I don't understand that reference. You keep calling me a misha. What is a misha?"

'Dean' bursts into laughter. "Oh!" Trying to stifle the laughing to be able to talk, "Oh, I get it! Ok. You guys really got me. This is for last week, isn't it?"

'Sam' joins in the laughter, "Come on man, that was just a joke." He attempts to give Castiel a friendly push on the shoulder, and doesn't fail to notice that the short angel doesn't even budge at the gesture. Balthazar raises an eyebrow as Castiel continues to stare down the two humans.

Castiel then grips the two impostors' shoulders, "We don't have time for this."

Fake Sam and fake Dean, as Castiel has currently decided to refer to them, jerk at the contact and their laughter is suddenly replaced with fear, nausea, and a strange lightheadedness all at once. The last thing they hear is what sounds like large wings fluttering all around them. And then everything is dark.


	2. What the Hell are You Doing Here? This is a Closed Set!

"Did they…" Balthazar chuckles to himself only to be stopped by lightly coughing and shifting his weight from one leg onto the other as he stares down at the ones in question, "Did those monkeys _actually_ pass out?"

Castiel glares at his friend and his choice of words, but makes no other effort to comment on it. Balthazar seems to pick up on it immediately, however, and holds his hands up in a mocking attempt to placate his brother. "Now, now, Cassie. No, need to get your feathers all ruffled. It's so unbecoming, even for you."

Turning his attention back to the Winchester look-alikes, Castiel completely ignores the other angel for the time being, and kneels beside the brothers. If these men even are brothers. He places a hand on Dean's... No. Not Dean. He places a hand on _Not Dean's_ forehead, who groans at the contact. Well, he's not dead, so that's a start at least. Then Castiel repeats the process with _Not Sam_ and the reaction is similar.

Balthazar continues to talk, not caring if the other rebel is paying attention or not. "Do we have any idea what happened and any idea what we should do now, or are you too busy feeling up your boyfriends? I could give you a moment alone, if you'd like."

The kneeling soldier turns to fix his ever growing nuisance of an ally with a hard look and his lips forms a thin line, when suddenly Dean's imposter groans again and rolls onto his side, "For crying out loud, Sebastian. Stop talking."

And then silence again. The only sound is the buzzing hum of florescent lights, which are now as deafening as they are irritatingly bright.

If Castiel wasn't just as confused as Balthazar was by the comment, he might have been at least somewhat amused by his brother's reaction. Poor Balthazar couldn't make up his mind whether he was confused or insulted, so his vessel's expression settled on a strange and very unflattering combination of the two. "What did he just call me?"

 _Fake Dean… Not Dean… Imposter Dean…_ Castiel isn't even sure what to call him anymore at this point. _Not-My-Dean_ , that's not much better he decides and thinks the real Dean would find some strange reason to be offended by such, attempts to stand as Other Sam… alright this is far too confusing, and he decides to get their names at some point before they pass out again.

In any case, 'Sam' begins to stir.

After much stumbling and somehow having put some distance from the angels, the two humans have finally made their way to standing upright. Once on their feet, Castiel thinks the humans are seconds away from passing out, again, if the look of terror is any indication. That is, if their hearts don't give out first. Not wanting to deal with the two passing out for a third time, the already stressed angel steps closer only to see 'Sam' and 'Dean' immediately back away.

'Sam' winces abruptly stopping his retreat, probably due to an injury from crashing through Bobby's window, and looks around what appears to be a warehouse of some kind. 'Dean,' on the other hand, is shivering violently and has his wide eyes glued to Castiel as if he's going to smite him any second.

'Dean' somehow manages to chatter through his teeth, "W-w-what'ssss go-ing on? W-w-where are we?"

'Sam' looks towards the heavenly soldiers expectantly, and though not quite as much as 'Dean,' the fear is still prominent on his face. Castiel attempts to approach the two again, "We're not going to hurt you."

"B-b-bull-shshshshit-t-t." Dean stutters and backs up once more. He moves back so quickly he trips over his feet and stumbles, but catches himself before falling to the ground.

Balthazar chuckles again because he never knew someone could say that and look so terrified while doing so, but careful enough not to aggravate his wound like he did earlier. Castiel, however, is becoming visibly irritated. The dark haired angel disappears, startling both of the 'Winchesters' for a moment just before Castiel reappears directly in front of 'Dean' who squeaks in surprise. Taking advantage of the shock, the angel presses two fingers to the older human's forehead. After he lowers his hand, 'Dean' is completely dry and glass free.

Horrified, 'Dean's' legs give out from under him and he drops to the floor, "Holy crap I just got mojo'd!" His legs are no longer working at this point, but he still tries to quickly scoot backwards away from Castiel only stopping when his back bumps against a crate.

"There is nothing holy about," Castiel pauses and angrily glances to both sides as if something might be lurking around the corner to smite 'Dean' for his blasphemy. Seeing no imminent threat, he then proceeds to gesture quotes with his hands on both of the last words. _"Crap, Dean."_

"Did… did you seriously just air-quote?" 'Sam' says with some amusement, while Balthazar's mood has completely relaxed again and snickers.

Castiel's anger promptly vanishes, and is replaced by an almost unnoticeable embarrassment. The only indication of this is when his eyes widen as he quickly glances around at the other three who seem to be focused on him. Now that he realizes that he's not being any more polite than Balthazar, Castiel lowers his head and looks down at the floor. Even though he is still flustered, Castiel manages to look up before he answers, "I apologize. I'm afraid I don't know your names, unless your names also happen to be Sam and Dean Winchester."

"Umm. First, can I not be wet and cut up too?" 'Sam' audibly gulps. "Please? Mr. Angel-of-the-Lord. Sir."

"Jared!" 'Dean,' still frozen horrified to the warehouse floor, shouts at 'Sam.' Or as it actually turns out to be, Jared.

Jared shrugs and glares at the one who shouted at him, "What? I don't want to be wet and hurt!"

Seemingly comfortable where he is sprawled on the floor since he is making no effort to pick himself back up, or move at all for that matter, 'Dean's' horrified expression transforms back into the angry one he wore when the angels first met him. "Why aren't you freaking out right now?"

Apparently, Jared is just as good at what Dean calls Sam's bitchface because Jared is directing the said expression at 'Dean.' "I _AM_ freaking out. I would just prefer to be dry and freak out."

"Wonderful," Balthazar says in a flat tone, deciding to enter into the conversation again. "I'm starting to think all they do is scream, pass out, and yell at each other." Castiel doesn't voice it, but is inclined to agree. Regardless, Castiel walks up to Jared and gives the same courtesy he had given to the other human just mere minutes earlier. Jared stiffens and eyes widen when the angel presses his fingers to his forehead. Other than that, there's no indication of resistance.

Jared clears his throat and takes a step back once he notices the angel is not making an effort to vacate his personal space. "Thanks. And, uh, if it's not too much trouble, can we take a second to process all of this?"

Castiel, who still has not moved since assisting Jared, nods his head once. "Of course, It probably isn't safe here, but we should have enough time for you to compose yourselves," the angel pauses a brief moment before he says the name out loud for the first time, "Jared." Castiel appears as if he confused himself the second he says the name by tilting his head slightly, furrowing his brows, and looking down at the floor. The other three raise their eyebrows at this response, and shortly after, Jared clears his throat again. "Oh, that's right. Um, well as you've already figured out, I'm Jared." Then he turns to and points at the other who has yet to move from their location on the floor, "And _that_ , is Jensen."

Upon hearing his name, Jensen removes himself from the ground and starts dusting his clothes off. Castiel's confusion dissipates as he watches this Jensen attend to his state of dress, and turns his attention back to Jared, "It's nice to meet you, Jared." Then Castiel stares back at Jensen who is still solely focused on his clothing, "and Jensen. I'm sorry, I wish the circumstances were different. I must say, you are both taking this very well considering."

Jensen scoffs as he removes his jacket to shake out, "Yeah, well no offense, but I'm sure I'm just having some messed up dream. I'm going to wake up and-" Castiel is suddenly directly in front of Jensen when he looks up, causing him to stop his train of thought. He pulls his face back away and his eyes dart in every direction that the angel is not.

Castiel narrows his eyes at Jensen. "I assure you. This is not a dream," and Castiel turns and starts walking away. "You can have a few minutes to compose yourself, but as I said it is not safe here. We will have to go somewhere else."

Jared startles at the remark, "Wait, can't you just send us home?"

Balthazar raises an eyebrow in his brother's direction and with a mix of curiosity mixing in his vessel's voice, "Yeah, Cassie. Why can't we send them home?"

"No. Not yet," Castiel firmly states trying to end the discussion.

"Why not?" Jared's worry is now shifting towards panic and his breathing is heavier and notably louder.

Castiel turns around to face Jared and without even a hint of hesitation, "Because Sam and Dean are still there. Having both groups there would upset the balance, and we can't bring the Winchesters back because we need this distraction." Castiel looks at Balthazar who first sighs loudly, and then disappears. "We will be back momentarily to give you your respite. Make sure you are ready when we return."

Before either human can say a word, the angels are gone, leaving the two alone in the warehouse and God knows what lurking in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All chapters names are quotes from 'Blazing Saddles,' the movie The French Mistake episode alluded to. As for the title: "Buddy Bizarre," is a Supernatural fanfic about the Supernatural episode "The French Mistake," references (Dom DeLuise's) character Buddy Bizarre from The French Mistake scene in Blazing Saddles by Mel Brooks. This is a reference to the reference of the Supernatural episode "The French Mistake," which is a reference to the segment in Blazing Saddles referred to The French Mistake where the movie Blazing Saddles breaks the fourth wall and interacting with the dancers of another set. 
> 
> Confusing I know. Almost as confusing as listening to 'The French Mistake' commentary when Edlund was talking about Jensen being Dean being Jensen being Dean.
> 
> Also, I feel I should clarify that I'm trying to keep to the French Mistake's versions of Jared and Jensen, which really isn't much to go off of, but obviously they're not like the real ones.


	3. Son, You're On Your Own

The buzzing hums of the lights continue as the two lost humans take a moment to scan their surroundings. After meandering about the building for a few minutes, Jared takes a slow, curious moment to check inside one of the crates. He takes a peek inside only to slam it shut quickly causing Jensen to jump and shout, "Dude! What the hell?"

Jensen's anger deflates the moment he spins around and sees the other. Jared stands there with a panicked face staring back at Jensen, and his hands pushing the crate lid down so hard his fingers are starting to turn white.

"You ok there?" Jensen appears hesitant at first, but then starts to approach the other clearly terrified individual. Jared, however, shakes his head in quick, small motions. Still walking and now taking more confident and wider strides, towards the taller and shaken person, Jensen smiles. "What's in there that's got you so rattled?"

Jared has apparently let the shock of their situation truly take hold for the first time as he seems frozen to his spot, his face as white as the fingers holding down the lid, "I think it's part of a dead guy."

Jensen abruptly stops almost causing him to fall forward, but he throws his arms out to try to steady his balance. His eyes widen as he stares at Jared who shares his fear. After Jensen pulls his eyes away from Jared, he then looks around noticing the crates on both sides and all around them. Two sets of green eyes dart around at the various crates until the two finally remember how to use their legs again. They put as much between them and the crates as possible, and as quickly as possible. This happens to put them at the complete opposite side of the warehouse and up on the second floor's rafters.

Resting his hands on his knees as he is leaning over attempting to catch his breath, Jared peers up over the rafter railings, "So… Where are we?"

Jensen, who is also trying to get his breathing under control, doesn't look up as he replies. "It looks like a warehouse."

The classic bitchface returns on Jared's face as he turns and stands up straight to look at the Jensen, "You think?"

Jensen glances up and lets out a small huff of laughter, "Doesn't it kind of look like the warehouse from Indiana Jones? You know, like with the Arc of the Cov…" His smile slowly fades as he trails off on his comment and then audibly gulps. "You… you don't think-"

Before Jensen can finish his thought, he's cut off by the return arrival of the angels who have shown up just behind them. Both of which immediately jump back at Castiel and Balthazar's sudden appearance. Jensen grabs at his chest with one hand and the other holds onto the railing to keep him from falling over, while Jared starts to point at the rebels and then instead covers his face with both hands. After taking a deep breath and releasing it with a loud sigh, Jared brings his hands up and runs them through his hair in frustration, "Don't _do_ that."

Completely ignoring the frantic gestures and murmurs of Jensen and Jared's behavior, Balthazar smiles at them even though it visibly shows that it deigns him to do so. "Well then, this has been fun. Actually, no. Not in the least bit really." The blond claps his hands together once and starts rubbing them together, "Anyway, time to pack your bags and get you on your merry way."

Castiel's brows furrow slightly as he turns to confer with his brother in his usual gruff voice, "No. We can't send them back. Not yet."

Jared and Jensen are both surprised by the response, and Jared pushes himself forward. Under the fear in his voice an edge of anger is slowly bubbling to the surface, "Why not?"

"Because Sam and Dean are still in your world," Castiel states in a manner that the answer should have been obvious.

Undeterred, probably due to the fact Castiel is still facing away, Jared continues, "So, bring them back."

Castiel turns to face the one who's speaking to him, "That would defeat the whole purpose of the plan." The action causes Jared to shrink and step back nervously, looking anywhere and everywhere else that Castiel isn't.

Jensen glances up from staring at his feet to looking around wide-eyed at the other three, "What…what plan?" Not getting an answer he looks at Jared who shrugs just as lost as he is.

Balthazar leans and puts his right arm on the railing, lowers his head, and sighs. "Alright."

Castiel quickly shoots Balthazar an icy glare. Dismissing Castiel by waving his unoccupied hand flippantly, Balthazar answers his brother's unasked question, "Oh, come now, Cassie. Who are they going to tell? Besides, it might shut them up."

The glare still adorning his vessel's features, Castiel replies indignantly, "I highly doubt it."

Jared, Jensen, and Balthazar's eyebrows rise as high as they can and Balthazar lets a smirk play across his face. Castiel's lips thin in a frown and shifts uncomfortably focusing on the floor, "I'm sorry. It's just that we don't have much time."

Balthazar smiles and starts pushing Jared and Jensen towards the stairs leading down from the rafters, "Short version then. We sent Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dumber to your world to distract Raphael and his lackeys long enough to find the weapons." Balthazar suddenly stops pushing at and leading the two half way down the stairs. He then leans on the stair rails and his voice drops to a low whisper as if he's directing it to himself instead of the others, "Oh, I suppose you don't know about any of that, do you?"

Jared continues waking down the stairs, but peers back over his shoulder, "No. We do. Raphael the archangel and the weapons of Heaven, right?"

Castiel and Balthazar stop and stare at Jared questioningly, their brow creasing and eyes narrowing in confusion. Balthazar shifts on his feet and trying to regain his thoughts before returning his attention to Jared, "How exactly…"

Jensen scratches the back of his head as he waits patiently at the bottom of the staircase, "We, um... We play 'Sam' and 'Dean' on a TV show called 'Supernatural,' so I'd say we pretty much know everything, I guess."

Castiel's widen as he pushes past Balthazar and quickly closes the distance between him and Jensen, making his way down the remaining stairs, "Everything?"

The other three notices Castiel's panicked state, but make no comment on it. Jensen, still not comfortable in the very close proximity of an angel regardless of how frightened they may be and is in fact more unnerved by this, takes a step back. He bows his head and clears his throat before continuing, "Well, everything up until now. All of this is what was happening in the script." Jensen mumbles, "The parts we're in anyways." Then he lifts his head and speaks more confidently again when he notices Castiel start to calm down, "Like we know Virgil is going to go after Sam and Dean-"

And then Jensen balks at how Castiel tenses up again. Fear is creeping up on Castiel's expression once more but this time is joined by anger, "What?"

Eyeing his brother's interesting reactions carefully, he joins the others on the ground floor. That is until Balthazar catches up to what Jensen had just said, "Wait, you're actors? There's a television show about all this? Who in their right mind would watch that?"

Both Jared and Jensen shrug and says almost simultaneously, "Beats me."

Balthazar chuckles, "Huh. That's sounds a lot like something-"

Castiel grabs the actors by their shoulders and starts moving them in the direction of the nearest exit, "We can discuss this more later. We need to find those weapons before Raphael."

Having given up on resisting any manhandling by the angels, Jensen allows himself to be shoved towards wherever it is Castiel is determined to make them go. That doesn't stop him from trying to get more answers, however, "So wait, does that mean monsters are real here?"

Trailing a good distance from the other three, Balthazar holds onto his side wincing but still manages a smile, "I'm afraid so."

Jensen frowns clearly not liking that answer, "And you're sure we're not dreaming?"

Balthazar's smile mixes into something apologetic, "Sorry."

Removing his hands from Jared and Jensen's shoulders, Castiel turns to face his comrade. "Balthazar, I need you to watch after these two for the time being."

Balthazar smirks at Castiel, "As I recall, the Winchesters are your pets."

Castiel glowers at Balthazar, "They are NOT the Winchesters."

Amused, Balthazar continues to tease Castiel, "But you don't deny the Winchesters are your pets? Interesting."

Barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes for the second time this day, Castiel simply tightens his lips and stares at the warehouse ceiling. He knows he will only provoke Balthazar if he continues to argue, so he remains silent.

Jared and Jensen curiously watch the rebels bicker, well one get upset while the other teases, peeking over Castiel's shoulder. Balthazar sees them and laughs, "Look at them. They're like lost children. It's adorable. You'll be a wonderful mother, Cassie."

Castiel warns, "Balthazar."

Balthazar sighs and rubs his eyes, showing weariness for the first time, "I'll tag along for a bit, but I'm hurt, Castiel. You play babysitter. I need rest."

Nodding at his brother, Castiel turns back to face Jared and Jensen, "You're right." Castiel is almost surprised to see both sets of green eyes staring calmly down at him.

Jared takes a deep breath and breathes out, "Alright. What's the plan?"


	4. The Fool's Going To... I Mean, the Sheriff's Going To Do It!

"Alright. What's the plan?"

The plan, or 'The Plan' as Castiel air quotes every time he says those two words, sounds easy enough. Well, that is when you omit half of the idea and then try hard not to think about the rest of it. Okay, it was a pretty stupid plan, but Jared and Jensen don't think it's very smart to argue with the 'Soldiers of God.' Rebels or not. Any disagreement might end in smiting, which neither Jared nor Jensen are wanting to happen any time soon. Or ever. Preferably never. They decide that never sounds like it would work the best with everyone, especially them.

It may not be easy, but at least 'The Plan' pretty straight forward and goes as follows:

_Step One:_ Tag along with the angels, actually it's more like tag along with Castiel as Balthazar will be leaving them shortly, and try to stay out of trouble. So far, so good. In fact, Jared and Jensen like this part of 'The Plan' the best. Staying safe under the protection of angels in this crazy and dangerous parallel universe is definitely in both their best interests right now.

_Step Two:_ The angels are currently trying to locate the weapons of Heaven Balthazar has lost. Not lost exactly… more like hidden away and then suddenly forgot where the hidden location was. That sounds a lot like lost, but as mentioned before, Jared and Jensen are smart enough not to argue semantics with 'Angels of the Lord.' The problem with this part of 'The Plan' seemed to negate the latter half of Step One. Balthazar seems to recall hiding some of the items in particularly dangerous locations. Wonderful.

_Step Three:_ Stay low and out of Raphael and his goons' sight. Alright, 'The Plan' is starting to look up again. This turns out to be easier said than done, however, as Raphael has more supporters than Castiel does currently. Not only that, but said archangel's forces are currently looking for the angels aforementioned in the first part of 'The Plan.' Needless to say, Step One is looking more and more difficult to carry out successfully. To be quite honest, it's looking downright impossible.

And finally, _Step Four:_ After Heaven's weapons have been obtained, Castiel and Balthazar will need to bring Sam and Dean back and send Jared and Jensen back. Then, they can pretend it was just some horrible dream.

Okay. So it's not that straight forward either. Regardless, Jared and Jensen have agreed to help in whatever way they can. As the two are running over 'The Plan' a third time together now, they are already sharing and showing serious doubts. Not only that, but who decided it was a good idea to return to Bobby's place? Isn't Raphael expecting them to be here? Or is that obvious enough that Raphael wouldn't think they would return for the fact it was suicidal.

"It's not suicidal." Castiel watches the rain continue to pour outside through the empty space in the wall that was once a window. "Bobby should know what's going on, and he should be back momentarily."

Jared is sitting at Bobby's desk and Jensen has pulled up a chair from the kitchen on the other side of the desk. Both of them look up startled. It's the first time Castiel has said anything since giving them a run-down of 'The Plan.'

Castiel turns and faces the two as light erupts from the still going storm outside, "And before you ask, no. I wasn't reading your mind. You are just not as quiet as you think you are."

Jared looks at Jensen in a tooth bearing frown, and Jensen attempts to hide his unease at being caught by hiding his face in one of the books on the desk.

The awkward silence that follows only lasts a few minutes and Jared and Jensen are pouring themselves into as many books they can go through before they get flown off to wherever it is they are going next. They may only be actors on a show, but it never hurts to know what could possibly be out there and be prepared for it no matter how much the information is terrifying them. Balthazar is trying to find a comfortable sitting position on Bobby's couch without much luck, and Castiel is watching the other two with interest as they quickly go over the books. Jensen's even taking notes.

Unlike Castiel, Balthazar can't stand the silence anymore and speaks up, "You both seem to be adapting to this situation rather well now."

Jared peeks up from what he's currently learning about kelpies, why he has no idea, and up at Balthazar, "Well, either we're dreaming and can't wake up, so we should just go along with it until we do." He stops and takes a moment to review what he has just said and deflates a little, "Which, apparently, is an option Castiel ruled out." Then he looks over at Castiel who seems completely unaffected by the comment, but still watching them. Jared lifts his hands from the desk in a small quick gesture and returns them to the wood surface and sighs, "Or we play nice with the guys who can protect us."

Balthazar smiles at Castiel and points at Jared, "I like the way this one thinks."

Jared blinks, "Uh. Thanks?"

Balthazar turns his head to look out the window as does Castiel. Grimacing, Balthazar stands up and holds his side, "And on that, I will take my leave. Play nice with your new toys, Cassie." And then Balthazar is gone.

The back door in the kitchen opens and Jared and Jensen stiffen at the noise. They turn in their chairs to see Bobby soaked from the rain and walking through the kitchen placing what appears to be grocery bags on the table. Bobby takes a towel from one of the cabinets and dries his face and the back his neck off. He starts rummaging through the bags and starts putting things away until he notices that he's being watched by all three individuals in the other room. Grabbing three beers, he walks into his living room and stops suddenly when he sees the state of the room. Gawking at the broken window and the wet papers littering the floor, Bobby almost drops the beers in his hands. Almost. "What in the hell did you idjits do now? I've only been gone two hours and you somehow managed to put a hole in my wall. What did you do? Jump through it?"

Jensen slams his hands on the desk and his eyes go wide, "Oh my God." Castiel narrows his eyes at Jensen, who gulps when he realizes why he's getting glared at. "I'm sorry. It slipped. But seriously, it's only been two hours?"

Bobby eyes Jensen suspiciously as he walks over to hand Jared one of the other two beers he's holding, "Dean, did you just apologize to Cas for-?"

Castiel already feeling as if they have wasted enough time steps forward, "Bobby, we need to talk."

Bobby tosses Jensen a beer who almost catches it with his face rather than his hands before he knew it was coming at him. He doesn't notice this though because Bobby is too busy opening his own beer, "Oh, great. I can already tell it's going to be a long night. Does it have anything to do with why you broke my damn window?"

Growing impatient, Castiel approaches Bobby, "We don't have much time-"

Bobby sets his beer down on an end table and starts picking up the scattered papers, "We never do, do we?"

Castiel sighs "I promise I will explain later, but for now I need you to go somewhere safe and look after these two."

Bobby stops collecting papers and glares at Castiel, "Why is my own damn house not safe? And last time I checked, the boys can look after themselves." He goes to the kitchen and starts laying the papers out on the kitchen table to dry. "Well, as long as they don't go losing or selling their souls again, and I really hope they got all of that worked out of their system by now. I might have to kill em' myself if they try that crap again."

Jensen stands up from his chair and immediately goes to Castiel's side, "Wait. Wait, wait, wait. I thought we were tagging along with you, Castiel. What happened to 'The Plan?' I thought we already planned it all out."

Bobby looks completely thrown off. He's not sure what to think of Jensen's use of Castiel's full name, the fact he's actually air quoting something called 'The Plan,' or being the one to get in Castiel's personal space looking like a frightened child.

Castiel picks up on this and continues focusing on Bobby, "This is not Dean and that is not Sam, and I promise I will be right back." Then he turns to face Jensen who still looks scared and back at Jared who shares Jensen's expression "I won't be long, so you can stay here for the time being if you wish."

Anger still evident but now mixed with confusion Bobby starts closing the distance between him and the angel, "What do you mean they're not-"

Before Bobby can reach him, Castiel disappears.

"Balls." Bobby grabs Jensen by the shoulder who whimpers and starts walking the both of them over to where Jared is, "Alright you two. Start talkin' and give me a good reason not to shoot you because if you're not the boys I'm going to have to assume you're shapeshifters or worse."

Panicking, Jared stands up quickly and puts his hands up in front of him in what he hopes is a non-threatening manner, "Wait, Bobby! Wait. We're not shapeshifters. We're… okay, just hear us out. We're actors who play Sam and Dean on a television show in an alternate universe."

Bobby's grip on Jensen's shoulder tightens, "Wanna run that by me again?"

Jared's breathing quickens and looks more nervous than before, "No, not really."

Jensen flinching at Bobby's grip, but not making an effort to pull away looks down at Bobby, "Hey, we're just as lost as you are, if not more. We're not bad guys though and Castiel saying to look after us should be proof of that, right?"

Bobby grumbles, "That, or you're trouble that needs looking after."

Jensen points to himself, "I'm Jensen," then to Jared who waves slightly with a nervous smile, "and that's Jared."

Jared and Jensen take turns filling Bobby in up to date. That is, after he makes them clean up the mess they helped make and changes out of his wet clothes. Bobby wasn't too thrilled about the parts where Balthazar started using his spell components or the part where they broke the window, but he's even less amused by the fact he now feels he can't leave Sam and Dean alone for a single minute.

Papers are on put on varying racks, books are laid out to dry and air out, and a tarp has been put over the window frame to keep any more rain coming into the living room. The boys finally sit down and drink their beers as Jared and Jensen expressively describe everything they've gone through in the last few hours.

When Castiel returns almost an hour later, Jared and Jensen stand up at his arrival. Bobby looks up, but doesn't move from his place from behind the desk, "So these boys filled me in on the details including your 'Plan.' You really think these boys are capable of helping you out? They're nice and all, but they ain't exactly hunters."

Castiel glances at the actors taking note of how they are looking nervous again shifting from foot to foot and eyes darting everywhere except him. Then Castiel turns to look back at Bobby. "We don't have a choice."

Bobby throws a book to the edge of the desk and then takes a drink of something that is in a coffee mug. "Yeah, I bet you don't. And by the way, I ain't no damn babysitter. This is your problem, your mistake. You deal with these knuckleheads. These idjits have been driving me up the wall, what's left of it anyways, with their non-stop questions."

Castiel takes a step forward, "My apologies. It wasn't my intention-"

Bobby slams the mug down on the desk and starts to stand from his seat yelling, "I don't care what your intention was, just get em' home and bring our boys back!"

Either Jared and Jensen had heard the argument before, they were both expecting it, or some other reason Castiel is not sure of, but whatever the reason the two don't seem fazed at all by Bobby's yelling. It's possible that they are adapting even better than Castiel originally thought, but that doesn't seem right if their reaction at Castiel's arrival was any indication. In any case, it's not important and they need to get moving.

Castiel turns his back on Bobby to look Jared and Jensen, "Are you ready?"

Jared and Jensen share a look Castiel can't quite place and then look at Bobby.

Bobby rolls his eyes and is clearly exasperated with everything and everyone right now, "Oh, don't look at me! Git' going."

Castiel places his hands on their shoulders and in the next second they are gone.

Bobby mutters before taking another drink, "Idjits."

Jared and Jensen appear with Castiel in a large but bare room with about ten other people. It doesn't appear to be another warehouse, but it's too big to be a regular house. There's no windows, just two doors and the other people. They don't seem to recognize any of them, except… one of them looks familiar. Very familiar. And he's naked.

"Hey, guys!"

Cupid quickly walks up and hugs Jared and Jensen together, both of which look very displeased at the fact. "I didn't know you were going to be here!" Cupid squeezes tighter and raises them slightly off the ground, "Welcome to the resistance!"


	5. I Shall Now Read from the Books of Matthew, Mark, Luke... and DUCK

"Can't… breathe. He's _crushing me_. Jared… I can't die like this." Jensen uses all of his strength to attempt to break free, but it's hardly noticeable due to the angel's far superior strength. The only thing that comes from his struggle is a large amount of flailing and groaning on Jensen's part.

Unlike Jensen, Jared just takes the full force of the hug without struggling and only winces at the brute force of it. "What crushed to death… by a large, naked, male cupid not good enough-" Jared wheezes a little before he can continue his comment, "publicity for you?"

Leaning his upper body out as far as he can make it, with the exception of his lower arms still caught in the vice-like grip, Jensen yells out. "Not if I'm dead! This is not how I want to… urrk die."

The cupid finally releases the two, and to them it's none too soon. The moment they're released, both of them lean over themselves with their hands on their knees as they gasp for air. Jared and Jensen are almost too busy trying to catch their breath to notice the cupid has released them in order to hug Castiel.

Almost.

Castiel seems to just take the hug with a roll of his eyes and looks irritatingly up at the ceiling. The cupid lifts Castiel up in his arms and begins to shake him around like the other was made of air, swinging him side to side causing Castiel to grunt a little at the unwanted affection.

Jared rolls one of his shoulders with a grimace, "Does he do that every time he sees someone?"

All the angels including Castiel look at the two actors responding in a deadpan, "Yes."

Still being swung around, Castiel somehow manages to reply, "It's something that _all_ cherubim are known how to behave." When the cupid seems content with his hugs, he finally releases Castiel and happily skips over towards the other angels. "It only gets progressively worse the more they like you unfortunately."

The cupid waves a hand once at Castiel, smiling. "Aww, I know you don't mean that."

Jared and Jensen take a few steps in their newest location and glance around. Taking a closer inspection of the room they've been brought to, they notice the floor is wooden and looks like it was waxed at some point. Some patches of paint remain in the middle of the room and in some places and holes are found all over the floor on the sides of the room and even on the concrete walls. Continuing to look around the room they see a third set of doors behind them. So, that's three sets of doors, no windows, wooden and painted floors that were waxed at some point and holes all over the place but in specific locations… oh. This was probably a gymnasium at some point.

Jensen frowns, "Oh, no. I'm having flashbacks to those awful shorts. I still have no idea how they talked me into that."

Jared snorts at Jensen's remark and continues to look around the room, "Yeah, but it's still no Jenny Thu-."

Spinning around quickly, Jensen jabs his index finger into Jared's chest looking furious, "You say Jenny Thunder one more time and I swear…" Jensen pauses as he glances at the other beings in the room with them and then back to Jared, "to you-know-who and I will punch you right in that smug face of yours."

One of the unknown angels, from what appears to be one of a set of triplets, cocks his head slightly looking at Jared and Jensen. "These are not the Winchesters." The triplets appear as three middle aged, Asian business men with jet black hair. All three suits are black and they have white dress shirts, but each one has a unique and hideous looking tie. Jared and Jensen can't tell if the clothing choice is directly tied to their vessels like Jimmy Novak, or if it's just usual angel flair. The dicks with wings like wearing suits for some reason.

Castiel shakes his head, "No. This is Jensen and Jared. They are filling in for the time being." All of the angels look suspiciously at Castiel including Cupid. Castiel sighs, "It's complicated."

Another one of the triplets who looks as if he has a permanent scowl decides to speak up, "You're using the Winchesters as a distraction for Raphael, aren't you?"

Castiel appears slightly offended by the remark, "Of course not."

Jensen looks at the questioning angels half annoyed and half teasing Castiel, "He's using them as a distraction for Virgil _AND_ Raphael."

The other angels in unison and some of them nod their heads at the explanation, "Oooooh." Castiel turns and glares at Jensen, who shrinks and backs away slowly with his head hunched down.

Jared looks at the group apprehensively, "So, is this your whole army?"

Castiel takes one more moment to glare at Jensen before turning to face Jared, "No. These are just my brothers and sisters available to help us locate the weapons at the present time. Others are already searching for the ones we know the locations of, and the rest are recuperating."

Jared and Jensen realize what that last part meant. They both know the scripts of the show well enough in their universe, so they know Castiel is currently in a Civil War between the angels. Recuperating for angels can only mean one thing. Whatever is going on in heaven is huge. The two actors had never really thought about what the characters they play go through until now. It was just another paycheck to them, but here it was all real. The thought of what all of these people and creatures go through makes the two of them thankful for what they have. Neither Jared nor Jensen can imagine having to go through any of this long term. Hell, they've already had their fill and nothing really bad has even happened yet.

Now they're here with a hand full of angels having to fight their own brothers to stop Raphael and his half of heaven's strongest warriors from trying to start the apocalypse… again. Alright, so maybe Jared and Jensen won't have a large role in helping exactly, but it's the thought of it that weighs on them.

Crossing his arms, Castiel walks the line between the angel and the humans, "Balthazar has been giving us information to help locate the weapons he's hidden. He compiled a list of the ones not already in our possession or in the process of being retrieved."

Jensen lets his eyes wander up and off to the side as he ponders Castiel's statement. Not coming up with anything that seems to dispel his confusion he looks back at Castiel and without masking any of his confusion on the matter, "I thought they were in a locked room somewhere."

Castiel responds without any hint of emotion on the subject, "It was merely a diversion."

"You… you lied to them." Jared says with no small amount of shock.

"I did no such thing." Without pausing a beat Castiel continues, "Balthazar did."

Jared huffs a small laugh of disbelief as Castiel pulls out a large, folded stack of papers from his overcoat pocket and then stares at the stack wondering how that even fit in Castiel's coat pocket, "That's a long list." Using his height to his advantage, Jared looks at the list of Castiel's shoulder, "Or… I think it is. I can't really read it."

Castiel squints his eyes at the papers and starts paging through them, "Yes. Balthazar does not seem to realize Enochian in shorthand can be difficult to read."

Jared's eyebrows raise and staring down at Castiel marveling at how Castiel had completely missed what he meant, "Um, yeah."

Castiel folds the papers and turns his attention to the other angels in the room, "We have to work quickly and we're already short in numbers as it is. Each of us will need to look for more than one at the very least." Continuing on, Castiel looks towards Jared and Jensen, "Give me a moment to make the assignments." Jared is about to interject, but Castiel disappears leaving Jared and Jensen alone with the other angels.

Jensen mumbles in what he hopes is soft enough from any of the angels from hearing, "I can already see why Sam and Dean find that disappearing thing annoying."

Now that Castiel has left them again, Jared and Jensen realize the awkward situation they've been left in. The room is now dead quiet and full minutes pass before anyone attempts say anything. Jared shifts uneasily, but decides to break the deafening silence, "Umm. Hi."

A tall, dark-skinned man with dread-locks that reach his waist, smiles and struts up to Jared and Jensen. Like the three angels with the Asian vessels, he also wears a black suit but without the tie and wears a red dress shirt. "You'll have to forgive them." The angel's vessel seems to have a deep, thick accent Jared and Jensen can't place, "They are not used to dealing with humans in person."

Jensen narrows his eyes slightly at the angel approaching them, "And you are?" He mentally beats himself up for already having attitude with another angel so quickly, and one he doesn't even know yet. Jensen thinks he needs to work on this before one of them will get fed up with him and smite him for it.

The angel in question waves a hand out and bows, "They call me Caim."

With the most apologetic face he can muster, Jared hesitantly approaches Caim, "Not to sound rude, but I don't think I've heard of you."

Caim laughs lightly as he stands up straight again. "Oh, I don't doubt it. You probably haven't heard of anyone here, and if you _had_ heard of a few of us you'd think we were the bad guys. Not that I would blame you. A fair amount of us are a few of the Spirits of Solomon."

Jensen blinks, "The what?"

One of the three business men vessels steps forward. Jared thinks it's the same one that spoke to Castiel earlier. The ties are ugly, but they seem to help to differentiate the three apart, "They were the first angels to rebel with our brother. By aiding him, they also fell and were cast to the pit. Most of them ended up becoming demons. The rest have seen the error in their ways and now find ways to aid humans." Jared and Jensen's minds reel at the quick burst of information as the angel steps back and looks a bit embarrassed, "Oh. I'm Simiel by the way. I'm not one of the seventy-two Spirits of Solomon. I'm one of the Reprobated Angels and from Castiel's garrison."

Jensen's head is still spinning from everything and he holds up one hand with his index finger pointing up at the ceiling to nowhere in particular. "I'm starting to think the church is cutting out a bunch of details."

Still smiling but with a more edge to the words Caim responds, "You have _no_ idea."

Jared holds up his hands for emphasis for everyone to stop, "Wait, so these Spirits of Solomon sided with Lucifer and fought against God and mankind, but now you're helping? Why?"

The smile fades from Caim's face and turns very serious. "Not all of us wanted this. We thought we were doing the right thing. Our brother is…" Caim sighs, "The point is some of us know we made a terrible mistake, and we just want to go home."

Jared drops his hands back to his sides and shares a sympathetic look, "Yeah. Home. We hear you there."

An angel who looks like one of those crack-pot psychics from television commercials, complete with the silk cloth wrap on her head, rolls her eyes. All of her clothing has at least some purple on it and has a clashing colored purple shawl wrapped around her shoulders. "Leave it to Simiel to make everything sound so depressing."

Another angel seems equally put off and this one is a moderately tall, Caucasian man in his late fifties if his greying hair is any indication. He also has a short, full beard and wears a grey suit with a white overcoat. Great. More suits. This angel brings his hand to his forehead and groans, "It _IS_ depressing."

While the psychic and the old man are complaining, the angel in between them only looks back and forth between everyone. Jared and Jensen can't get a good look at her other than she's covered head to toe in dark clothing. Even her face is covered, but they can still see her stunning brown eyes when she glances over them.

The psychic turns to glare at Simiel who shrinks back when she does, "True. But it doesn't mean we should take it out on our guests. I'm certain Castiel wouldn't like us bothering them. Winchesters or not."

The angel who appears to have taken a Buddhist monk as his vessel walks up to Jared and Jensen and starts curiously eyeing them. Jared and Jensen look nervous about this even if he is significantly shorter than both of them. The monk smiles and pokes Jensen in the side who squirms away from the touch, "Interesting."

A few of the other angels start approaching and start murmuring to each other, some talking in Enochian.

Caim notices Jared and Jensen's discomfort and tries to put himself between them and the other angels. "Alright. Alright everyone. That's enough for now. We haven't even finished introducing ourselves yet."

The angels stop talking amongst themselves and start forming a line. Jared and Jensen can't figure it out, but it looks like the angels are attempting to put everyone in a certain order.

Bowing slightly less than before with his arm in front of him rather than out, Caim starts. "Like I mentioned earlier, my name is Caim."

The next angel in line is Caucasian but has a thick French accent and is wearing dirt covered cotton shirt and capris with a large sun hat and sunglasses. He also has a strange tool set attached to his belt. "I'm Forcas."

The angel who was complaining with the psychic earlier follows, "Morax, and we're three of the 72 Spirits of Solomon that Simiel mentioned earlier."

One of the triplets, Jared and Jensen assume is Simiel, opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by psychic, "Knock it off Simiel. We'll never get through this if you can't keep your mouth shut."

The quiet Muslim woman from before looks at Jared and Jensen and then looks around to the other angels and Cupid to her left notices she's looking for help. He notices her staring expectantly at him and answers for her. "This is Bath Qol and if what Castiel told us is true, you already know me." The cupid then goes to indicate the person to his left.

Jared looks up quickly, "Wait... She, um, Baath Kol doesn't talk?"

Morax sighs, "Go ahead, Simiel."

Simiel smiles and looks excited about being permission to talk again, "She's one of our angels of prophecy. Her name describes her well. Heavenly voice."

Forcas smirks, "Sounds like someone's got a crush."

Cupid giggles.

Caim decides to ignore everyone to help move things along quicker, "That should be your big clue. You probably know what our voices have the tendency to do to your kind. Bath Qol has the strongest and most beautiful voice to Heaven, but to humans it would more than likely lead to making the listener become deaf as well as permanently damaging her vessel's vocal chords."

Penemuel almost looks sad at his words, "And hurting our vessels and you are the last things we wish to do."

Jared and Jensen nod. Jensen clears his throat unsure what to say, but feels the need to try to lighten the mood again, "Uh, yeah. Thanks." Then Jared and Jensen turn to look at who's next in line.

Next is an angel who looks like a small boy. Well, they wouldn't call him small exactly. More like a healthy young boy. He looks like mom's let him have too many snacks, but he's at least seen the sun and has a splash of freckles on his face. "Oh! Is it my turn? My name is Hamiel."

Jensen looks at Caim skeptically, "He's a kid."

Apparently Caim had been expecting that response and smiles with an immediate answer. "Don't let his vessel trick you. Hamiel's the strongest one here, and why not? It's not uncommon. In fact, I'm pretty sure Castiel had a child vessel for a short time. Some of us prefer a child vessel over an adult one."

The purple wearing psychic chirps in again, "Plus, children are more likely to give us permission."

Jared and Jensen can't help but wince at that remark.

The next angel in line smiles largely at Jared and Jensen. This one looks to have the most intimidating vessel out of the whole bunch and that's not even because of the guard uniform. He looks like he's somewhere in his mid-thirties and extremely well built with a hint of a five o'clock shadow much like Castiel's. "I've got nothing against you two, but I was really hoping to meet the real Winchesters. I'm a big fan."

Jensen whimpers and Jared visibly frowns.

One of the triplets growls out, "Of course you are! You're probably the only one they would listen to."

The guard completely ignores the comment and goes on with introducing himself, "I'm Tabris. They call me the angel of free will." Jared and Jensen's eyebrows nearly meet their hair line.

Jared and Jensen then look at the triplets who look identical in every way except their expressions and those damn ties.

Simiel slightly hunches over, "I already introduced myself."

The next crosses his arms and looks away frustrated, "Adimus."

The third opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by Adimus, "Is this really necessary? I mean we're probably never going to see them again and we're wasting time."

Smiling at Adimus, the third carries on, "We're just passing time until Castiel comes back. Besides it never hurts to make new friends." He looks at Jared and Jensen. "I'm Tubual."

Jensen can't help that Tubual's smile has spread to him, amused with the three. "You guys seem completely different from each other."

Adimus narrows his eyes at the actors, Simiel shifts nervously, and Tubual continues to smile at them. Tubual's smile never falters, "Well, we are three of the seven reprobated angels, but I'm afraid that's all we have in common. I think Adimus has more in common with Uriel and Raguel, Simiel is closer to Inias, whereas I think I have more in common with our garrison commander Anael."

Adimus hisses the first word, "Former commander, and it's not like it did them any good. Both Uriel and Anael are dead now." Adimus uncrosses his arms and turns to look at Tubual questioningly, "Isn't Raguel going by Rachel or something now?"

Jared's actually genuinely interested about the three. Who knows, when they get back the show might include some of the other members of Castiel's garrison, "So you three are all from the same garrison as Castiel? I thought angels had specific blood lines and vessels. How did you three end up having the same bloodline?"

Adimus raises an eyebrow and scoffs. Simiel looks up at the humans. Simiel glances between his garrison brothers and back to Jared and Jensen, "Well, bloodlines cross over from time to time. It's not that odd, is it?"

Jared shrugs, "I guess not."

After a short moment of awkward silence the next angel takes that as a cue to continue, which turns out to be the monk, "I'm Penemuel."

Finally, the psychic on the end introduces herself, "And I'm Armaros."

Jensen crosses his arms looking just as confused as he did earlier, but more like he just realized something. "I have to ask. Why is a cupid getting involved in a war?"

The cupid smiles and bounces happily, which reminds Jared and Jensen that he is very much naked, "Oh, you want to know more about me? Well, ever since the Valentine incident I've felt awful. I wanted to help, but even if for some silly reason I didn't we were under orders from our chief."

Jared's not sure he wants to know, but it doesn't stop him from asking. "Your… chief?"

The cupid nods, "Yep. We all have someone to report to. All Cherubim follow Keubiel, but there's so many of us they separated us into groups and we have different chiefs. For some strange reason our chief got really interested in helping the Winchesters all of a sudden. I guess they have that kind of effect because Castiel is the same way."  
Looking down the cupid, presses a finger to his lower lip, and then starts counting on his fingers, "Let's see… there's Ophaniel, Rikbul, Cherubiel, Zophiel, Raphael-"

Jensen balks a bit at that one, "Raphael is a chief of cherubs?"

The cupid shakes his hands and head as if saying it wasn't enough, "No no no. We're Cherubim not cherubs, silly. You're thinking of the Putti. That's different."

"The what?" Jensen is starting to think he's going to be asking this a lot while he's here.

Jared kicks Jensen's shin without taking his eyes off the cupid, "Nevermind. Please continue." Jared shoots Jensen a glare.

The cupid fidgets and twiddles his thumbs, "Lucifer was one too, but that didn't work out so well."

Jensen yells out while rubbing his shin, "You think?"

Jared pulls yet another 'bitchface' at Jensen and then returns to look at Cupid, "So which one is your boss?"

Cupid laughs "We got lucky." He then leans in closer almost whispering as if he's sharing a secret with them, "I think we got the best leader. He's so funny and nice to us," his smile fades and quickly turns into a pout, "or he was until he left." Just as quickly as the smile left it comes back and the humans could both swear his eyes started sparkling, "But he suddenly came back to us. He said we needed to help out, so here I am!"

After stuttering for a moment Jared eventually is able to say something other than odd sounds, "You… your boss… you can't possibly mean-"

"Gabriel, yes." It was almost as Castiel was waiting for that moment to return and has appeared behind the two otherworlders.

Jensen jumps back behind, or in this case in front of, Jared who is as equally surprised, "Fuck! Quit… quit doing that."

Caim approaches slowly and narrows his eyes at Castiel, "Is everything alright, Castiel?"

Jared looks at the other angels and notices they all seem to be looking at Castiel warily. Then back to Castiel who replies straight-faced, "Of course. Everything if fine." Castiel approaches the other angels who most of which have let their nervousness drop. He starts handing each one what appears to be small rolled up bits of leather tied with a red cord, "I apologize for taking that long. I'm afraid figuring out Balthazar's shorthand and writing took longer than I thought it would."

Caim walks beside Jared and Jensen and whispers to them while Castiel's back is turned, "Something's not right. I don't think any of us could tell where Castiel went which is… odd to say the least. Be careful." Caim then backs away with a huge smile on his face and slaps Jensen on his shoulder. Jensen stumbles back slightly and the angel laughs, "Well, it was a pleasure to meet the Not-Winchesters! Maybe we'll meet again when this is all over."

Castiel gives one of the rolled pieces to Caim who graciously accepts it. Caim begins to turn away, but stops and faces Castiel with a soft smile. "Be careful brother. I doubt it needs to be said, but don't do anything I wouldn't do and don't do anything I have regretted doing."

Castiel nods and turns away and the moment he does the other angels disappear leaving the two humans alone with Castiel. Jensen is preoccupied with his sore shoulder and shin, but Jared starts squirming and shifting on his feet anxiously. Castiel notices Jared's nervous behavior, "Is something wrong? My brothers didn't say anything to offend you, I hope."

Jared startles at Castiel's question, "No! No, they didn't offend us or anything. Just… thinking." Castiel tilts his head slightly in confusion, but after Jared says this Jared's nervousness dissipates before he continues. "So, what's the plan? I'm sure you need to be out there looking for those Holy Weapons too, right?"

Jensen is apparently finished nursing his injuries and joins the conversation, "You want us to wait here while you guys are out looking or…"

Castiel doesn't hesitate to interrupt already knowing what Jensen is going to ask, "I think it would be best if you came with me."

Jensen frowns, "That's what I was afraid of. Well, how many? Which ones?"

"I believe it will take us longer so our list is much smaller. Only six." Castiel seems to genuinely think he's doing them a large favor and he even lets it show a little. Jared and Jensen seem to think otherwise.

Jensen's face and shoulders drop, " _Only?_ "

Castiel offers a rolled piece of paper tied with a blue string. Jared elbows Jensen in his side before taking the tied slip of paper from Castiel. Carefully untying the string, Jared opens the rolled paper even with Jensen elbowing him back in return. As he reads the list, his eyes slowly widen as he goes down the list.

Jensen, who is also trying to read, notices Jared's reaction when Jensen finally gives up and waits his turn. Then he looks between the paper and Jared who only seems to be capable of staring at the slip and his mouth agape. "Well? You going to share or am I just going to have to guess?"

Jared shoves the paper in Jensen hands and turns to Castiel in complete shock. "Are you serious?"

Jensen gives Jared and Castiel one last questioning look before turning his attention to the piece of paper.

_Arc of the Covenant_

_Burning Bush_

_Lance of Longinus_

_Horn of Gabriel_

_Shears of Samson_

_Shroud of Turin_

Castiel studied Jared with what is becoming a common expression on Castiel when dealing with the two replacements, frustration and curiosity. "Of course I'm serious. This is no laughing matter. We need to find these weapons before Raphael finds out that they're hidden." Castiel's confusion fades and becomes somewhat more skeptical. "I thought it would be easier to assign ones you would be more familiar with."

Jared looks apologetic and almost embarrassed, meanwhile Jensen finally lets the list sink in and his eyebrows arched as high as they can. Jensen's expression only lasts a few seconds before he glances up at Castiel with a smirk, "Alright then. What's our gameplan?"


	6. Excuse Me While I Whip This Out

Jensen should have expected Castiel's response of, "The 'gameplan' is to find the weapons before Raphael does. I thought that much was obvious."

It turns out that Jensen _wasn't_ anticipating that answer, however, and finds himself stumbling to ask for the details. He took so long that Jared noticed he needed to step in to finish Jensen's thought, "Nevermind, Castiel. So should we just find them in the order of the list, or do you have something else in mind?

Castiel seems to finally understand what the other two are getting at, and he nods at them almost more to himself than to Jared and Jensen. "Yes. I think it would be best to find them in this order."

At some point Jensen has found the ability to talk again, "So the Arc of the Covenant, huh? Are we talking like 'Raiders of the Lost Arc' or what?"

"I don't understand," Castiel stares questioningly at Jensen. "There were never any raid-"

"Nevermind," Both actors interrupt already knowing where this was going.

Looking dejected at not being able to finish, Castiel still nods his head again while looking at the ground. Jared shifts on his feet and glances at Jensen and then back to Castiel. Jensen also notices the change, "Dude. Are you pouting?"

It's then that Castiel looks back up clearly not amused, and Jared makes a point to kick Jensen in the shin before he says anything else. Jensen has decided he's had enough, "Seriously, what is your deal, Jared?"

Jared turns to glare at Jensen, "My _deal_ is you don't know when to keep your mouth shut!"

The bickering continues the same as it usually does for some time before Castiel has decided he's had enough and stomps up to the other two, firmly grabbing both of their shoulders. One moment the trio is in the empty and deserted gymnasium who-knows-where, and the next…

"Please tell me this is a really big beach." Jensen spins looking in every direction only finding sand around them and mountains far off in the distance.

It's blindingly bright and the two humans are already starting to sweat from the scorching, dry heat. The group is standing on what appears to be the only hard, dry patch of ground. The dirt is cracked from obvious lack of moisture and a very dull yellow bordering close to a grey. Either Jared and Jensen are adapting quickly to angel travel, or the heat is actually more uncomfortable than any motion sickness and bowel problems they pick up with flying. Wind picks up in the distance and before Jared and Jensen are thankful for it, hot air and sand blows across their face.

Jared starts removing a few layers of Sam's outfit and with the topmost shirt, he covers his head and face to protect himself from wrathful sun. "Where are we?"

Jensen copies Jared and Castiel seems completely unphased by the temperature though he does squint his eyes from the light to look at Jared, "Iraq."

Looking up abruptly from his effort to protect his skin from burning terribly, Jensen looks at Castiel dumbfounded, "Why are we in Iraq?"

Without a pause, Castiel answers in his usual gruff tone, "Because this is where the Arc is."

The small group starts walking through the blistering heat with Castiel in the lead. The two actors decided that they were not going to get details on the matter unless they asked for it in excruciating detail because Castiel seems to take all of their questions quite literally. The two also decided they probably didn't want to know considering all the luck they've had in the last few hours. Instead, Jared decides he wants to learn more about the angel they're traveling with and if he's as much fun to harass as Misha.

As if it's the most casual question to ask an angel of the lord Jared asks, "Can you really drink a liquor store?"

Castiel pauses and turns around to give Jared a confused look. Then, slight embarrassment crosses his features when he realizes complete strangers know about the incident, and he turns around and resumes walking, "Yes. I apologize, that was… one of my weaker moments."

Jensen glances at Jared wondering about the random question, but decides it's a good way to pass the time. Well, at least it's good when walking in a hot as hell desert in a country that a small amount of its population dislikes Americans enough to shoot them on sight. However, the same chances of being shot could also be said for several specific places in America. Considering which reality they currently are in, that's the least of their worries. "What about your wings?"

Castiel narrows his eyes but presses on to their destination, "What about them?"

"Can we see them? You know that angel peacocking thing you do." Jensen shoots a look to Jared in hopes of getting the other actor to agree with him for once.

"I don't under-"

"You know! That thing you did with Dean when you two first met." Jensen is gesturing with his arms though neither Jared nor Castiel know what he's trying to portray by doing so. "That whole badass scene where you strut in like you own the damn place, and to prove you're an angel you let those big shadowy wings encompass the whole back wall of that barn."

Pausing again, Castiel turns to look at Jensen as his curiosity has gotten the better of him. "I still don't understand what that has to do with that particular bird."

Rolling his eyes, Jensen stops beside Castiel determined to finish this conversation and hopefully get back to his original one. "No, that's not what I…" Jensen sighs dramatically, "I mean you were making yourself look badass in front of Dean like that, and of course Dean was stunned by the display and didn't know what to do but stare." And I really want to see that dammit, Jensen adds mentally on the end uncaring if the angel is reading his thoughts or not.

"But female peacocks only show their plumage to signal danger to her young, and males do so to attract…" Jared snickers at Castiel's comment and Castiel's eyes widen a hair when he finally thinks he realizes where the other human was going with the question.

To Jensen's displeasure, it wasn't where he wanted this conversation to go, and when Castiel turned around once more and walking a bit more briskly than before, Jensen kicks sand at Jared and mouths angrily, "Look what you did!"

Jared shrugs but guiltily so and mouths back to Jensen, "Sorry. It was funny."

Without looking back at the other two who continue to silently argue, Castiel growls out, "I was not _peacocking._ "

Jared snickers again and this time Jensen can't help but join this time. When Castiel spins around and glares at the two, they both hold up their hands in an apology staring at the sand at their feet. They both manage to mumble out, "Sorry," but can't bring themselves to look the angel in the eyes. Angering their protection and only ticket home is not the best idea they've had by a long shot.

Castiel's anger softens now that the matter is settled, or is to him at least, and continues heading towards the mountains they've been slowly heading towards. It's a few minutes before anyone, namely Jensen, speaks again. "Man. You are nothing like Misha."

Clearly frustrated for not knowing yet another reference Castiel growls out, "For the last time, what is a misha?" He's quickly losing patience with their childish questions and bizarre references.

Jared and Jensen both stop and ponder on the question. Their eyes dart up and around and they shift their weight while they try to find the right answer. When Castiel doesn't get an answer, he stops and looks at the two to find them both heavily contemplating on what they've been asked. There are a few moments that both of them open their mouth to reply only to let it close again before returning back to their thoughts. Castiel watches them curiously because he wasn't expecting to stump them on the question.

Jensen's the first to finally answer when Jared shrugs at a loss of an answer, "You know, I'm not sure anyone knows the answers to that."

Attempting to get the group moving again so they can at least get some shade, Jared starts walking towards the mountains he's hoping is not a mirage. "I guess all you need to know is he's the guy, who's like us, that plays you."

Castiel catches on and starts walking along side Jared, "And this actor's name is, Misha?"

Jensen has started moving as well and both actors nod at the question. Castiel is intrigued that there is another man that looks exactly like his vessel and portrays himself and more than likely Jimmy as well. Their regard for their co-worker is confusing though. "Is he a peculiar man?"

Jared and Jensen look at each other before Jared answers, "That's one way of putting it, I guess." To be fair to him though, neither Jared nor Jensen can actually think of anything bad to say about the guy. He's a bit stuck up and arrogant now, but they wonder if a part of that is their own doing. They never really talked to him and, if they're both being completely honest, both of them have been arrogant since the show took off. Okay, fine. They've been outright dicks to everyone. Misha had actually been trying to be nice to them, and be 'one of the guys' so to say, but Jared and Jensen had just brushed it off as nothing with the exception of playing practical jokes on him. It wasn't long before Misha started acting as stuck up as Jared and Jensen has been. Maybe they could start righting things with _everyone_ when they get back.

 _If_ they get back.

The three walk on silently and if Castiel knows about Jared and Jensen's internal conflicts, he doesn't say anything on the matter. Approximately ten minutes later, ten minutes and 17 seconds according to Jensen's watch as he checked it almost every five seconds, the trio reach the edge of the mountains. Jared and Jensen exchange a look of confusion.

Jensen clears his throat and hesitantly approaches Castiel, "So… um. Are we climbing now?"

The angel faces Jensen and returns the confused expression, "No. Of course not. That would be ridiculous." Jared and Jensen smile and let out a relieved sigh before Castiel finishes, "We're going through it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Angel peacocking' was actually brought up in the commentary of "The French Mistake" (though they called it 'showing their junk'), so I touched on that a bit because how could one not?


	7. Badges? We Don't Need no Stinking Badges.

Jared blinks and Jensen manages to sputter out a rather weak reply but amazingly in unison, "You want us to do what?"

Castiel stares at Jared and Jensen with a straight face so blank the actors have the urge to do something to break it or seize up in laughter at seeing Misha's… no Castiel's (Jimmy's?) face so serious followed by, "We're going to walk through the mountain."

Jensen scoffs more amused than annoyed, "And how exactly are we supposed to do that?"

Turning away from the two actors due to what he thinks are stupid questions, and he's not even drunk this time so it must really be a stupid one, Castiel walks towards the mountain wall. After glancing around the surface for a moment, Castiel stops in front of a section that is no different from the others.

Jared and Jensen can't help but watch curiously and it changes to complete surprise when Castiel pushes a perfectly square section of the rock forward with no effort at all. Jared looks to Jensen, who he is fairly confident that Jensen's eyes are going to pop out of their sockets, and then back to Castiel. "Oh. Right. Angel."

The hidden passage reveals a faint blue light from the interior that illuminates Castiel or is it coming from him? His eyes are brighter and there's definitely some kind of halo effect going on, but Jared pushes it aside when Castiel turns and gestures with his hands for Jared and Jensen to enter. When Jared enters the small and amazingly clean cut passage, he notices that the room is indeed glowing but not near as much as the celestial being behind him. "What... what is this place?"

Pulling Jensen along by his shoulder, because the human doesn't seem to have the ability to move on his own apparently, Castiel starts leading the small group down the passage. "This is the entrance to the second Holy of Holies. The Arc lies in the inner most chamber."

"The Holy of Holies?" Jared can't help but laugh, "Who came up with that one?" When Castiel simply glares at Jared, he coughs and immediately looks away.

It isn't long before the corridor opens up into a large, open space. The walls are smooth and have intricate paintings completely covering the surface. It even looks still wet as if it was just finished it's so perfect and clean. Strange torches that are more like hooded lanterns line across the wall about fifteen feet from the ground. Each one illuminates the room in the same soft, light blue glow the group first saw at the entrance and only stops about fifty feet up where it seems the ceiling continues on forever into the darkness of the mountain. The wall paintings themselves are of every possible color and vary from shapes and patterns to a beautiful Arabic script.

At the other end of the room is a huge archway that extends well past the line of the torches and is white marble and granite every other block and the floor appears to be made from the same marble as the portal. On either side are relief carvings of a man with large wings and the body of a bull or tiger looking towards the arch. The doorway itself is blocked off by a gorgeous, yet simple, diamond patterned lattice.

"Wow." Jensen finally pulls himself away from Castiel grip and slowly takes in his surroundings, "This is just… wow."

Jared seems to agree on the matter as he looks around the room smiling. Castiel, on the other hand, seems more interested in the others' reactions as his mouth twitches upward slightly before falling into a frown. He imagines the Winchesters' reaction would have been just rewarding, if not more.

After shaking himself from his thoughts, Castiel makes his way over to inspect the lattice archway. His frown deepens when he pushes on it and the lattice doesn't even budge. Jensen notices the angel's attention focused on the door as well as the fact that the glowing around Castiel has gotten stronger. "Do you need some help, Castiel?"

Castiel pries his gaze away from the door to look curiously at Jensen. To which Jensen looks around nervously expecting something bad to happen for speaking out, "What? What'd I say?"

"You both keep calling me Castiel." He's saying out loud more to himself rather than to Jared and Jensen.

Jared looks confused by the remark and can't stop from asking, "Well, it is your name isn't it?"

"Yes." Castiel knows what's bothering him but doesn't see the point of bringing up the matter, "Forget I said anything. It's not of import."

Jensen looks at Jared who shrugs, but they both seem to let the matter go and the two join Castiel by the archway. When Jensen places a hand on the lattice he immediately pulls his hand back as if it burned him. Jared and Castiel look at Jensen who is using his other hand to cradle the one he touched the lattice with.

Lightly smacking Jensen's shoulder, Jared tries to get a glimpse at Jensen's hand, "Dude, what? You okay?"

"Yeah. It's just… cold," Jensen is clearly pouting.

"Cold?" Jared raises an eyebrow skeptically.

Annoyed with the lack of sympathy from his co-worker Jensen starts yelling at Jared, "Yeah! Like really fucking cold! You know, the opposite of hot!"

Castiel keeps examining the doorway trying to find a way in and blocks out the others' discussion before he realizes he's being talked to, "I'm sorry?"

"I asked if you could just zap us in on the other side?" Jensen has stopped fussing with his hand as well as bickering with Jared.

"No. Something is preventing me from flying us to our destination." Castiel presses both hands against the lattice and starts running them across looking for any kind of clue. "Outside was the closest I could bring us. I would have brought us the whole way to save you the discomfort if I could."

Jared and Jensen look guilty about their complaining earlier before Castiel continues, "That was not meant to make you feel ashamed for your earlier behavior. You didn't know, and I'm sure what you felt was understandable."

Still feeling a little guilty, Jared nods and tries to change the subject and points to the two figures beside the door, "So, who are these guys?"

"They are what you call Assyrian guards. The Lamassu. These two are most likely representing Jael and Zarall." Jared and Jensen wait for Castiel to continue his explanation, and it's only when Castiel turns around to see why they are suddenly quiet that he realizes they were expecting more. "The twins, Jael and Zarall, are the cherubim guardians of the Arc of the Covenant."

Jensen is now inspecting the relief carvings especially since these are far more touchable than the lattice, "Do you think these have something to do with opening the door? Like why this one is a bull and the other is a lion?"

"It is unusual for the design to be asymmetrical in this way, but I don't think that is the clue we are looking for." When Jensen looks like he's upset that his idea was immediately shot down, Castiel decides to give him some encouragement, "But it was a good observation, and I think you're right that it has something to do with the carvings."

Smirking, Jared decides to chime in, "And why you're glowing."

Castiel looks bewildered until he actually takes a moment to inspect his vessel for the first time since entering the Holy of Holies. Everyone is surprised when Jensen pats Castiel on the shoulder, undoubtedly about to say something Castiel feels is likely to be unimportant, when the glowing intensifies.

Jensen's hand shoots back for a second time. "I didn't do it."

Realization flies across Castiel's features and he grabs a nervous Jensen followed by a nervous Jared. He stands in between the two humans facing the doorway, "I believe you will get your wish Jensen."

Before Jensen can answer, the glowing intensifies and dark shadows start manifesting behind them. Jensen and Jared stare in awe at what could only be the shadows of Castiel's wings as the angel patiently waits for the door to react. When the shadows of Castiel's wings line up with those of the carvings the lattice fades away as if it was never there. Once the path has been opened, Castiel's glowing completely fades and he hides his wings into safety again.

"Wait. So what just happened? Why did the door open?" Jared is still confused and a bit shaken from the sudden manhandling, but it's easing up more into curiosity.

"You were both correct. I only had just figured it out when Jensen caused my grace to manifest more at a touch." Castiel lowers his arms and approaches the now open doorway. "Jael and Zarall as well as the Lamassu are protectors. I swore that I would protect you for as long as you were in my care, so the door must have reacted to the oath as it were."

Jensen looks giddy about not only being able to get his request from earlier, but also help in solving the puzzle. Jared scoffs, but can't help but share the same feeling of accomplishment, "Quit being such a girl."

The happiness quickly dissipates and Jensen punches Jared in the arm. Hard. "Bitch."

"Jerk."

Castiel smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (late) Valentine’s :)
> 
> And because I forgot to point it out in the actual chapter, the chapter with all of the OCs are based off of actual angels. All of the angels I come from some angel mythos and pulled from several sources, but not many details are given, so really they are only loosely based off of them.
> 
> (Lots of history/mythos here so skip to the end if you’re not interested)
> 
> The reprobated angels include Uriel, Raguel, Inias, and so on. I assume these are the angels in the same garrison as Castiel with the tie ins to the three I listed (Raguel/Rachel) so I used a few of the others from the same list.  
> The Spirits of Solomon are fallen angels that could either be seen as evil (and usually are depending who it is) but, again, there are not much details on them. Then again I haven’t read all of the Lemegeton (not yet anyway), so I could be wrong. But who’s to say some scriptures are completely accurate? I thought it would be nice to use something from the Lemegeton Clavicula Salomonis because it translates to “The Little/Lesser Key of Solomon. EOne of the devil’s traps used in the show is a symbol depicted in the “Key of Solomon E(most notable grimoire) and I wanted to take care of the confusion over the multiple devil traps used on the show. I think the traps themselves depend on the level of the demon, and not only that but I think multiple religions should be taken into account. So far we’ve seen the “Key of Solomon Eused and we’ve seen a pentacle being used and to be fair to the writers (regardless if they know or not) both symbols essentially stand for the same thing. 
> 
> Going into a lot of Islamic angel (in this case Mala’ika) mythos for a bit and this whole story includes mythos from several different religions and a lot of similarities between them. As for the Assyrian Guards/Lamassu, they can be attributed as the original cherubim. It’s only that cherubs are seen like they are today because of holiday marketing. The Lamassu sculptures are commonly used at the entrances to palaces and temples and as I was using the twins (who are cherubim) as well as the Holy of Holies (yes that’s it’s real name) I thought that would be the best time to use them.
> 
> Pretty much all I’m saying that everything I write here is based off of some fact/mythos out there. I’ve been researching like a fiend (because I do that), so if you’re curious about anything I have plenty of material I could share or refer you to. BTW the show itself has some crazy attention to detail about angels at least. Personally my enjoyment and experience for Supernatural practically doubled when I started finding all this stuff.
> 
> And yes. Cas is missing the boys.


	8. Nevermind that Shit, Here Comes Mongo!

The outer room's impressive, but it's nothing compared to what lay beyond the lattice door. It's strange. Bizarre even. The room, if it could be called that, is _enormous_. At first glance it seems like a simple cavern, stalactites and stalagmites protruding from the floor and ceiling. Once they actually enter and find themselves standing on top of a circle marble floor in front of the entranceway, the room lights up. The light is warm and bright, but not blinding and seems to come out of thin air. There are no torches like the outer chamber and here it even has a comforting feel to it as if nothing could harm them in this… this sanctuary.

Now that the room is lit, Jared and Jensen see that the room does indeed have a cave-like appearance, but it adds to the marvel of the room. Columns are carved out from the rock that stat from the floor and reach the top, and the floor itself is tiled so that it went around the rocks. Reliefs are carved out from the rocks that emerge from the ground, but rather than changing the shape of the rocks, the designs are structured around the shape. It's almost like the designers didn't want to distract from the natural beauty of the cave itself. Veins of precious mineral and stone deposits are left unmined and run all throughout the stone in the room. Surprisingly, the room is still cut square despite the natural quality of the rest of this chamber. That's from what they can tell from one wall though. The room is so large, Jared and Jensen cannot tell how far out the side walls are. The wall they can see is polished smooth and, like the previous room, have intricate paintings and writing covering them.

Water could be heard in the distance and as clearly as a summer spring running in a forest. Jared and Jensen can't help their excitement at the thought of water after a long and grueling march through the desert.

Jared took more notice of the mural paintings on the wall and found his curiosity getting the better of him again, "Castiel, what is this?"

Turning to look at Jared and see what he is referring to, Castiel recognizes the mural. The mural is a angel with six-hundred green wings and two more angels on each side. The angels on the right are standing guard over a city during the day, whereas the ones on the left are guarding over the same city but during night. The central angel has a sun painted between his eyes. "Djibril and the hafazaa." Castiel has figured out that these history lessons with need some explanation just as the ones before and points to the angels on the left and then the angels on the right, "The hafazaa are mala'ika who guard against the jinn. Two stand guard during the day and two guard during the night."

Jensen looks slightly nervous, "There's jinn here?"

At first Castiel is confused, but he realizes where the miscommunication is, "My apologies. I am using the Islamic terms. Jinn in this case, are demons. The mala'ika are angels and Djibril is the name they gave to Gabriel."

Switching from jinn to demons only made Jensen's nervousness worse and decides to go back to looking at the large open cavern. Jared doesn't seem as bothered and steps closer to try to see the painting of Djbril closer, "Gabriel?"

Castiel frowns. Even though his brother caused the Winchesters and himself problems in the past, he still misses his brother dearly. "Gabriel is very popular in the Middle East, actually and especially in Israel. When Gabriel first… left, our brother Dubbiel took his place." Castiel shakes his head as he remembers, "It only lasted twenty one days. Gabriel came back to take the position away from Dubbiel, and once Gabriel secured his position back is when he left again. That's probably when he left to become a trickster. I suppose he found it humorous." His head droops slightly and his voice drops to a deep whisper, "Dubbiel didn't find it amusing, however. He was so upset over the whole ordeal that… he fell."

Raising his head, Castiel wants to change the subject and notices Jared still inspecting the painting of his archangel brother. "He doesn't really have six-hundred wings. Different cultures started giving him more wings as time went on. I can only assume he had something to do with that."

Jared huffs a laugh. That sounds like something the guy would do.

Once Jared seems to have his fill with the murals, he and Castiel turn to look at the room again. All of them are completely in awe of the sight. Castiel misses the days when humans respected the land seeing his father's greatest creations working together in harmony, but quickly pushes the thought aside. They are on a tight schedule and work needs to be done. "The innermost chamber lies ahead."

The angel's voice seems to break the trance-like hold the room has on Jared and Jensen. The two actors continue looking around, but they now follow behind the angel who is walking towards the other side of the room. As the group continues further into the mountain, the protective and safe feeling and warmth intensifies and the sound of running water gets louder. On top of that, the air that was once dry and arid becomes humid and dense. Some plants have even started appearing and are growing from what looks like soft earth.

After a few minutes, the trio finally comes to the source of the sound and weather change. It's nothing like what Jared and Jensen were thinking was hiding under this desert mountain. Although some of the columns and rock formations remain, everything suddenly opens up to a rainforest. The marble tiles are now a simple path leading to a large and beautiful, stone building that is well fit for the room. The columns on the outside match the ones throughout the cave, but from here they look a softer and more worn white without any paintings or color. Water pours down from fountains at the top of the building and down each ledge and finally over the columns of the final ledge into a moat that surrounds it. A stronger light seems to be hidden behind the water, causing the building and water to glow with a golden light. That must be where the Arc is being kept.

Castiel pauses as he surveys the sight, "The Hanging Gardens of Babylon."

Jared stares at it in wonder and almost laughs at the irony of that but is far too awestruck, "What? Really? I thought… I thought it was destroyed. Or it disappeared."

Jensen's eyes are also locked on the sight, "Wait, but we're not in Babylon." He manages to glance away to look at Castiel confused, "Are we?"

Kneeling, Castiel continues looking around determinedly. "It was crumbling due to neglect and the harsh weather and earthquakes, so we moved it here. Some of us couldn't stand to see something so beautiful destroyed." Castiel sighs and stares off into the distance as if he's remembering the memory as if it was yesterday. "We were a bit more… adventurous back then. Our Father allowed us to relocate the gardens mostly due to Gabriel's suggestion. He claimed it would be an excellent place to store and protect the Arc. And yes, Jensen. This is Babylon. "

Jared is curious to what Castiel is doing, but refrains from commenting on it. "So you've been here before?"

Castiel stands up and begins down the path again, "No. This is my first time seeing the Gardens. I'm glad they saved it." Jared and Jensen follow and Castiel continues searching around, "I have seen the original First Temple before it was destroyed, but I never saw the innermost chamber."

Dodging past a plant branch Jared pushed back and nearly hit Jensen in the face, Jensen glares at the other even though he knows it's pointless. He's too curious right now to get into an argument with his co-worker, "The Holy of Holies."

Castiel nods without facing them, "Yes." He resumes his way on the path, but slower than before, "My brothers will undoubtedly be waiting guard."

As if on cue, two forms emerge from under the waterfall in front of the doorway. Jared and Jensen duck behind one of the large columns and Castiel a position behind a tree. Jensen, feeling more adventurous than before, peeks around from his hiding pace to get a good look at the angels. From what he can tell, the one on the left looks like a Caucasian American soldier complete with uniform. The one on the right looks Islamic and is in light, white clothes. Both men are about the same height and have just started playing paper, rock, scissors. "Huh. Well, they don't look so bad."

Jared peeks around to get a good look for himself. Jensen continues watching the two play and sees the American lose the first time and the other do a little victory dance, "Man, it would be so much nicer if everyone got along like this."

Jared's eyes go wide and he looks over to Castiel. Castiel appears to focused on his brothers to see Jared trying to get his attention. Waving and flailing a few times doesn't seem to work either so Jared starts whispering, "Castiel. Hey, Castiel!"

Still no response.

He spots a small rock and Jared tosses it over near Castiel. Well, he tried tossing it near Castiel. Instead the rock hits the angel square in the head and Jared grimaces when Castiel turns to glare at Jared. "Sorry, but I have to know. Jael and Zarall, what class are they again?"

Castiel doesn't see where this is going, but answers anyway, "They are of the highest Cherubim."

Jared smiles and goes back to looking at the other two angels. The American apparently won this time and is breakdancing. Jensen pats Jared's shoulder, "These guys are pretty cool."

"I've got an idea." Jared steps out from behind the column and starts walking towards the angels.

Jensen and Castiel watch nervously as Jared approaches Jael and Zarall who have stopped playing and have their absolute attention on Jared. Both Jael and Zarall's eyes narrow and go for their angel blades, but Jared holds up his hands in surrender and the two relax slightly. The two start tensing up again as Jared continues approaching and Castiel is about to intervene, but Jared suddenly stops and holds out both arms in a welcoming manner. Jensen catches on and emerges from his spot. Again the two guards tense up but when Jensen copies Jared and holds out his arms, the two angels' bottom lips start to quiver.

Castiel finds himself only able to watch what is transpiring. His brothers have not moved and no longer look hostile. In fact, they look like they're pouting. It seems that neither Jael nor Zarall are going to move until Jared also pouts out his lip and uses his hands to wave the two towards him. That was all it took and the two disappear only to reappear right in front of Jared and Jensen sobbing. The soldier has put himself completely in Jensen's arms with his own arms wrapped around Jensen's neck and the other is hugging Jared tightly and swinging him around.

Castiel slowly approaches unsure what to do. The one who has himself wrapped around Jensen sees Castiel and smiles disappearing off of Jensen to leap upon his brother. The one holding Jared sets him down and does the same. The two have Castiel squished between them and are hopping around in a circle happily. Jared and Jensen can't help but laugh at the sight.

Once the hugs were out of their system, Jael and Zarall release Castiel and are beaming. "Brother! It is so good to see you!"

A faint smile crosses Castiel's face, "And it is good to see you both as well." The smile quickly fades. The fun is over and now it's time to get back to the task at hand. "I only wish it was under happier circumstances."

Jael and Zarall look at Castiel worried. The soldier speaks up first, "Brother, what's wrong?"

Castiel doesn't want to tell them, but he has no choice. He fills in his brothers on the details of the current civil war in heaven, and it crushes him more and more as his brothers' expressions fall and pale as he catches the two up to date. Jared and Jensen tried passing the time playing rock, paper, scissors but lost the desire as the mood started to become sour.

The soldier, Don Richardson, according to his vessel's dog tags is suddenly serious. "Then we'll help. We know these two can't even look at the Arc without their eyes burning out and you can't move it by yourself, so we'll move it to wherever you need it."

The other angel steps forward and places a hand on Castiel's shoulder, "We are with you brother. We don't want anything to happen to Our Father's most precious creations."

Castiel smiles and his brothers disappear. He then turns to face Jared and Jensen who are already standing and waiting. Jensen smirks, "So burning bush, huh?"

Grabbing them both by the shoulders they disappear to their next location.


	9. I'm Tired, Tired of Playing the Game. Ain't it a Cwying Shame?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goal is to update on Sundays from now on. Update schedule/changes/tardniess/etc. will be on my writing blog (chaostiel.tumblr.com)

 

“Whoa. I wasn’t expecting you to zap us out of there. I thought you said you couldn’t do that there.” Jensen is looking around wildly and the sudden change of their surroundings.

Castiel takes a few steps forward and squints his eyes off into the distance searching, “The magic only prevented me flying us in. It’s meant to keep intruders out. If the wards of the temple or my brothers did not wish us to enter, we wouldn’t have been able to. The only ones who have been inside this temple have been Jael and Zarall.”

“And now us,” Jared breathes out reverently in awe of the idea.

Castiel turns back to look at Jared and smiles softly, “You should consider it a great honor.”

Jensen is still looking around, holding a hand above his eyes to keep the sun out of his eyes, “Now where are we? It doesn’t look all that different.”

When Castiel gets ready to answer, he’s immediately cut off when he’s suddenly thrown a few hundred feet from Jared and Jensen.

Jared and Jensen look shocked and start running towards the angel. Jensen is spinning around as he races up to where Castiel was thrown, “What the hell was that? Castiel are you alri-“

The two stop running when they see a figure standing over their knocked over comrade. It’s hard to see them from here and the light brown robe and hood the person is wearing doesn’t make it any easier. They can tell that the newcomer has a very large satchel tied to their back and they have a good guess what’s in it.

The figure draws an angel sword out of thin air and growls as the individual points the blade at the rebel angel, “Castiel.”

Castiel grimaces and then sighs as he turns to face his brother, “Shemhazai.”

From what Castiel can see, his brother’s vessel is a lean and tall dark skinned woman with a few painted symbols on her face. Her lips wide and thick, and her eyes are a chocolate brown currently glowing hot with rage. Shemhazai rips the hood down and yells at Castiel in Enochian, “Draw your weapon, traitor!” His vessel’s accent is thick and heavy even when speaking the holy language. Now with the hood removed, Castiel can see his brother’s vessel has very close cut, black hair and a series of gold hoops that stretches her neck. She also wears a multitude of necklaces and earrings made from bone each with intricate carvings of animals. Castiel recognizes what he’s looking at, more specifically what his brother is doing, but refrains from saying anything for now.

Rather than drawing his weapon, Castiel stares solemnly up at his brother. Shemhazai doesn’t like Castiel’s lack of response and kicks Castiel hard in the leg, causing some coarse sand to cover Jimmy’s dress pants, and yells again, “I said draw your weapon!”

Castiel doesn’t budge and stares down his brother and former comrade, “I heard you, brother. I just choose not to listen.”

Hot fury flashes over Shemhazai’s face, “You-”

Shemhazai is cut off when a small rock hits the fuming angel, which jostles him enough to look away from Castiel. When he looks over he sees Jared and Jensen standing there looking just as shocked as the enemy angel was.

Jared stares with his jaw open at the angel before turning to Jensen in a panic, “Dude! Where the hell did you find that? There’s like nothing but sand here.”

Jensen squirms uncomfortably. He’s used to being the focus of attention, but for some strange reason he’s self-conscious of everyone staring at him. Jensen looks down at his feet while attempting to shrink into his shoulders and mumbles hoping that no one hears him, “I… I brought it with me.” He doesn’t know why he took it from the temple, but he does know is that it looked really important and might help Castiel out. Something inside him just told him to take it, and it was more than just a gut feeling. He just couldn’t place what the feeling was exactly, but he knew it was familiar. Why he decided to throw a potentially useful artifact at an enemy who can smite him without a second thought or why he thought it would be helpful in that regard, he has no idea.

Shemhazai looks down at the stone and then up to Jared and Jensen. He sneers and starts approaching the two humans.

 “You brought a rock with you?” Jared shoots Jensen a look that all but screams “are you fucking serious?” and crosses his arms, “Do you always carry a rock? What are you a caveman?”

Getting visibly annoyed with Jared, Jensen points accusingly at the taller human, “You’re one to talk, forehead.”

Jared straightens up, uncrosses his arms, and then pushes Jensen who stumbles a bit and pushes him back. The shoving gradually intensifies and both are unaware of Shemhazai walking up to them in harsh, quick steps.

Castiel notices the rock and examines it and sees unknown writing over its surface. He realizes it’s from the Hanging Gardens, but it’s not a piece of rubble. The rock is black and polished smooth, but the writing was carved in after the rock was rounded down. Jensen must have grabbed the stone at the temple, but upon Castiel’s inspection he knows that this piece did not originate from the there. The part that is the strangest is the fact he doesn’t understand what the writing means.

Before he has time to ponder the story behind Jensen’s unusual find, Castiel’s attention is pulled to an unnerving silence. Jared and Jensen have stopped arguing and are now looking terrified at Shemhazai standing in front of them. The angel looks torn between curiosity and the desire to smite both humans. Castiel immediately forgets the stone and is between his brother and the humans in a second and the stone already forgotten.

The sudden appearance of Castiel startles Shemhazai. Although brief, his brother appeared to have no desire to fight back until Shemhazai walked up to the cowering mud monkeys. Castiel uses an arm to gently push back Jared and Jensen away from the threat but never breaks eye contact with his brother.

Jared and Jensen allow themselves to be pushed away from the inevitable confrontation. Feeling guilty, Jared elbows Jensen to get his attention, “I’m sorry I called you a caveman.”

Shifting on his feet, Jensen stares at the ground and mumbles, “I’m sorry I made fun of your forehead… again. It’s a nice forehead. Not that it’s big or anything. Because it’s not.”

Jared raises an eyebrow at the comment and Jensen continues rambling, “I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore. If it makes you feel better you can make fun of my lips again.”

Not above taking his one chance to get away with making fun of his co-star, Jared smirks as he replies, “I’m sorry I ever said you looked like a Disney princess and you had lips that would make a porn star blush.”

Castiel’s face scrunches in confusion and his brother seems to match the feeling if the sputtering is anything to go by. Both angels stare aghast at the two actors. Castiel isn’t sure what is worse, the conversation or the fact they are having this conversation right now in the middle of danger.

Jensen unaware of his audience sticks out a hand and mock laughs, “Oh ha ha. Funny. Truce?”

Jared smirks as he takes Jensen’s hand, “Truce.”

The two shake hands and then go back to staring at the showdown between the two angels that currently seems to be on hold. Both of them notice that the angels are staring at them. They might even go as far as to say that Castiel looks _embarrassed_ of them.

“What?” Jared and Jensen ask in unison.

Castiel turns back around to face Shemhazai and shakes his head, “I have no idea what they are talking about, but I apologize for their behavior.”

It takes the other angel a good moment to recover, but is still obviously shaken. “Tell me, brother. Why would you lower yourself to travel with these _vermin_? The very creatures that has poisoned our Father’s most precious creation?”

“Shemhazai, you of all angels should know we cannot fault humans or justify being better than them.” Castiel approaches the other slowly and carefully as if his brother was a frightened child.

The angel frowns, but his stiff posture relaxes minutely. “Castiel. Please.”

Castiel stops walking towards Shemhazai and his face turns grim and dark, “No. Have you learned nothing from that day? Our Father-”

“Our Father is gone, Castiel!” Shemhazai stiffens again and yells at Castiel. His voice booms and Jared and Jensen have to cover their ears from the intensity of it.

Snarling now, Castiel steps forward. “So that justifies _your_ failure?”

“Our Father wants us to love humans as He does, but condemns us when we do?” The anger is still apparent, but Castiel can now see the fear and hurt and sadness as well.

“Wait a sec…” Jensen is trying to catch up on the conversation, but the comment falls on deaf ears.

Castiel’s own anger quickly diminishes and mirrors the sadness in his own eyes to show his brother sympathy. “You mistake lust for love. Our Father would never judge us for loving them. You even repented for your sin, so why so you still judge them so?” Castiel places a hand on Shemhazai’s shoulder, “It’s why the Nephalim turned out so twisted and monstrous. Their lives were brought from sin and lust. Not love.”

Shemhazai attempts to shrug off Castiel’s hand, “How do you know it would have been different. That it could be different. You can’t possibly know that!”

Castiel sighs, “I did not come to fight, brother.”

The other angel snarls as he removes the satchel strap from his shoulder, “No. You came for this,” and Shemhazai tosses the bag at Castiel’s feet. “Take it. I don’t care anymore, and it’s the only thing you seem to really care about right now.”

Castiel looks down at the bag at his feet briefly before looking back up at his brother and sidestepping the satchel at his feet. “Brother,” Castiel takes a few slow steps toward Shemhazai who turns away from Castiel. “Please. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“Then tell me, _brother_ ,” Shemhazai does not hold back the venom in his voice, “How should it be? You seem to think you have all the answers.”

Jared takes this opputunity to start approaching the angels cautiously, “You can help us.” Shemhazai whips his head towards Jared with a glare and while the human flinches at the look, Jared continues walking towards him. “We can’t begin to believe what you had to go through, but you have to know this isn’t the answer.”

Taking the pause that follows an opportunity to chime in, Jensen speaks up, “Your brother Raph wants to re-start the Apocalypse and there’s going to be casualties on all sides. A lot more than is going to come from this Civil War.”

Castiel watches Jared and Jensen with interest, at first the two replacement “hunters” only wanted to help in order to get home, but now it looks like something has changed since then. At least, that’s what he hopes. He knows the two are actors, and making people believe them whatever they want is their job, but Castiel really wants to believe the honesty and sincerity behind Jared’s words.

The most important thing, however, is that Shemhazai seems to believe. His vessel’s shoulders slump, and mouth frowns. He nods while staring at the ground. “You’re right. As much as I hate seeing our family kill one another… you’re right. This can’t possibly be what Father wants.” Shemhazai brings his gaze up, and for the first time, Castiel can see how tired and broken his brother is from all of this. It’s visible on his vessel, but the part that concerns him more is the damage he can see on Shemhazai’s own grace. “What do you need me to do, Castiel?”

Jared and Jensen watch as what seems to be the two angels having some secret conversation. Shemhazai nods once, and is gone.

The remaining angel is still staring at the place where the other disappeared from, “I’m not certain if you believed what you said or if it was a ruse, but thank you.”

Huffing a laugh, Jared wipes sweat from his forehead, “I’d be lying if I said I did it just for you, but… assuming this isn’t some horrible dream then lives are at stake. I just couldn’t stand by and say nothing. Especially when it’s all true.”

Jensen walks over and carefully picks up the bag Shemhazai left with a smirk, “Yeah. Besides, how many people can say they helped stop the Apocalypse? Use what skills you’ve got, right? And if it’s true, that just makes it easier to pull off.”

“Thank you,” Castiel repeats this time turning to face the others. “I’m glad to have your help. I don’t know if I could have come this far without it.”

The comment shocks both Jared and Jensen and neither know what to say to it. Neither have been depended on so much for anything before let alone stopping the freaking Apocalypse. Castiel reaches a hand out for the bag Jensen is holding, who hands it over willingly but remains quiet.

The angel opens up the bag and pulls a small, red leafed bush out with roots and everything. No fire. Nothing out of the ordinary. It looks like one that could be found in a neighbor’s yard or at a park in the middle of Fall.

Jensen clears his throat uncertain if he’s going to get smited for what he’s about to say, “It’s a bush alright. Um. I guess I sort of expected it to be, I don’t know, like on fire or something.”

Jared and Jensen don’t miss the small smile that plays on Castiel’s face as he looks reverently at the plant in his hands, “No. This is a specific type of bush. The name your kind gave it in Latin is euonymus alatus, which means ‘winged spindle.’ I think what you are referring to is when an angel speaks to a human in its true voice through nature. Very few can withstand that, however, and the results can be much like humans upon seeing our true form. This is the very bush our Father used to speak through to Moses at Mount Sinai.”

“Huh.” Jensen looks at Jared and shrugs his shoulders, “You learn something new every day.”

Jared frowns and stares at the plant confused, “Not to sound rude or anything, but how is this going to help with the war?”

The rebel angel doesn’t answer right away and watches a small gust of loose sand fly by before he answers, “This is more of a precaution. Just in case…”

Understanding hits Jared and he takes a breath before he fills in the last of the sentence, “Just in case, your dad wants to talk or get involved.”

Castiel nods and sadness washes across his eyes, “It also has a special meaning to us. It’s the closest thing we have to Him at this point.” His brows burrow and he appears as if he’s thinking hard about something. When Castiel looks back up, his eyes are a bit brighter, “But that’s not true. The closest thing we have to our Father is you.” As soon as he finishes, Castiel stands up taller and more determined than before. “And that’s all the more reason to stop Raphael.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the here’s the deal with Shemhazai (Semyaza). There’s debate over if Shemhazai and Azazel are the same entity or not. In Supernatural’s case, we all know Azazel is a demon (but there has been no proof that he was not a /fallen/ angel at some point). To some sources these two are the same, but in others they are actually two different individuals. In either case, both (or one if they are the same) were angels who fell victim to their lusts for /female/ humans. Again, both warned God about the sins of man and accepted God’s challenge that they could do no better in avoiding the temptations. In some sources Shemhazai repented for failing whereas Azazel refused to repent and now distracts and tempts women into wearing jewelry and cosmetics to tempt men into sin. In this case, I decided to go with the one that differentiated the two from one another. 
> 
> The strange stone is written in the same symbols as the tablets. It won’t be addressed in the story but, because I like inflicting pain on myself, I decided the stone was sort of like one of the decoders for the tablets like a Rosetta Stone.
> 
> Season 8 spoilers for why this chapter is so late:  
> I had to do a major overhaul on this once a burning bush and the nephilim were introduced in season eight. I regard the one nephalim in Season 8 as a child of love and not lust, which is why she was able to adapt so well amongst the humans as opposed to the giants that are portrayed in Enoch. While Metatron spoke of her as an abomination, Castiel saw the difference in her and is why he tried to persuade Metatron out of killing her even though it was to “help” his brothers and sisters.


	10. Hello, Handsome, Is That a Ten-Gallon Hat or Are You Just Enjoying the Show?

 

Jared pulls the slip of paper he managed to take back from Jensen before his coworker wadded it up into a ball and left the paper behind. “I’ll be honest, I’ve never even heard of this next thing. The Lance of Longinus?”

“It’s not surprising. Apparently the Lance is not one that is talked about your kind as compared to the others. Although I do not understand the reason for it being considered a holy weapon, it does not change the fact that it is one.”

“Wait. What does that mean?” Jensen watches Castiel curiously as the angel adjusts the strap of the satchel over his shoulder.

“The Lance of Longinus was the spear that was used by man to determine if Jesus was truly dead after his crucifixion. The name itself means that it was the lance of a roman soldier. Nothing more.” Castiel sighs as he looks around seeming to be unimpressed with his own story. “I suppose we should move on. We’re short on time as it is.”

“Yeah, and it’s a little on the warm side.” Jensen can’t help the annoyed tone in his voice, but Castiel should just be happy that Jensen said it as politely as he did. The actor just hopes the next location will be somewhere cooler, but knowing his luck they’re probably end up in Antarctica or something of a close approximation.

Castiel stands next to the two humans and the moment his hands grab their shoulders, they’re already off to the next destination.

 

____________________

 

The temperature is a great improvement, as it feels like a perfect summer day. There’s not a cloud in the sky and the hussle and bustle of people around them catches the two actors by surprise. Jared and Jensen stand wide eyed in the middle of a grassy courtyard with a statue in the middle and a building on the opposite side of it. The building itself is unlike anything either actor has seen in the states. It’s huge and extends longer than their peripheral vision can see and the entrance has an arched entrance way that stands taller than the two sides of the building beside it.

Jensen recognizes the sound of cameras, and if he was back home he would assume it was because that someone was trying to get a photo of him and/or Jared. Though panic floods him as he realizes that the angel teleported them in the middle of a crowded area. When he spins around, he sees tourists taking pictures of the building just beyond them.

“Uh, not to sound rude or anything, but where the hell are we?” It’s not that Jensen is ungrateful, but some insight on where they go before they actually go there would be nice.

“Bibliotheca Apostolica Vaticana.” Castiel takes a moment to take in the sight. “The Vatican Library.

He says it in such normal way, that Jared and Jensen can’t help but gawk at him. To them this was a pretty big deal. Sure they’ve travelled the world for years attending varying conventions and going to miscellaneous events and interviews, but Castiel almost sounds like he’s unimpressed with the sight. Even Jared and Jensen know this place, or almost any place in the Vatican really, is a big deal.

“So the Lance is here?” Jared manages to return his gaze over the architecture and activity around him, still a bit amazed by it all.

Castiel nods and starts walking towards the entrance, “Yes, but we’ll have to be careful. The Lance is under guard by a holy order sworn to protect it and the other relics kept in catacombs below the library itself.”

Jensen’s face drops, “Wait, what? You mean…” He does a light jog to catch up with the angel and speaks in a low whisper hoping no one else can hear him, “You mean we’re going underground in some freaky ass catacombs?” Castiel turns to reply but Jensen cuts him off, “Nevermind, I should have known it was too good to be true.”

The angel tilts his head and his brow furrows in confusion, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he nods again and returns to walking towards the entrance.

Jared, however, was too caught up in looking at the surroundings and something caught his eye. Sure there’s plenty of tourists and even residents, but when he looked at the statue his eyes met with someone else’s. It’s not even one of those times where you catch someone’s eye by chance and look away awkwardly. This man is clearly staring at him and isn’t being remotely subtle about it. Even the man’s clothes look out of place. The guy looks more like he should be attending a ritzy wedding and not casually sitting outside a library. His skin is a pale, cream color his hair is black and slicked back, and although his gloved hands are resting under his chin, Jared can make out the detail in the black tailcoat and violet vest. There’s even one of those fancy tie, scarf looking things in the front that matches the same black of the waistcoat and six silver buttons on the waistcoat and vest.

Looking off to either side to make sure the man in question isn’t looking at someone else, Jared realizes it’s time to get out of there when he doesn’t see anyone in a close enough proximity. When he looks for Jensen and Castiel he already sees them near the entrance. Sending one last quick glance at the man, who is still staring at him, he rushes off to catch up with the others. Once inside, he almost forgets about the man. The place is not only huge, but gorgeous. The place has incredibly tall, vaulted ceilings and columns that are covered in paintings. The columns have lights hidden inside and near the top of the columns, and the floors are white and grey tiles from what seems to be marble or a close approximation. Jared doesn’t miss how dumbstruck Jensen appears as he looks around as well.

Castiel hasn’t stopped walking and continues down the long hallway. After Jared and Jensen notice that they are being left behind once again, the two quickly scramble to catch up. Jared’s surprised that no one has stopped them as they make their way through the library. He laughs internally when the three pass through the main part of the library. There’s books as far as he can see, and he knows Sam would be ecstatic right now if he was in Jared’s place.

 

_______________

 

They continue on for what feels like hours until they walk down a spiral set of stairs to a darker and far smaller room. Two guards stand outside the door, and both look like they mean business. Neither move as they stare down at the three intruders, but one does speak. “This area is off limits. Please return to the main floor.”

The command doesn’t deter Castiel in the least, “I’m the angel Castiel, and I’m here for the Lance of Longinus.”

The faces of the guards untighten slightly. “It’s an honor, Castiel, but I must repeat myself in that the archives are of limits. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, but you of all must know this.”

More steps are heard from the stairs and the man Jared saw in the courtyard joins them in the small room. He holds up a hand, the other he places a thumb in one of his waistcoat pocket, “It’s alright. My brother speaks the truth. It’s quite alright.”

Castiel is surprised by his brother’s sudden appearance, “Zadkiel.”

The two guards stand straight at attention and the angel, _Zadkiel_ as Castiel calls him, waves a hand dismissively. “Thank you, but that will be all for now. You two may leave.” The guards look hesitant, but the angel fixes them a look and the two leave the room without a word.

“You’re the guy from outside. No offense, but why’d you give me the stink eye outside?” Jared’s not ready to trust the other angel yet, given Sam and Dean’s previous track record, which Jared will pay great mind to. He knows enough about the show that Sam and Dean tend to get screwed over by everyone when given the chance.

“I am as Castiel had said. My name is Zadkiel.” The angel bows his head slightly and looks away, “I apologize for my earlier behavior, but will you forgive me for being suspicious? It’s not often my brothers visit me, and I’ve never met the Winchesters in person before.”

Jared and Jensen are both about to correct him, but Castiel doesn’t give them the chance, “Zadkiel represents freedom, benevolence, and mercy. He was the angel who prevented Abraham from sacrificing his son, Issac. He was also second in command under Michael until he later became second to Gabriel after Lucifer fell.”

Zadkiel stiffens, “It was difficult on all of us when we had to choose sides, but I believe it bothered Michael the most. Michael wasn’t the same after the war, and his anger became too much to bear. He was completely changed after that.” He returns his gaze to look at the ‘brothers,’ “So I went to Gabriel when I couldn’t take any more. I served her to the best of my abilities until she left us.”

Jared quirks an eye at Zadkiel’s choice of words, “She?”

Zadkiel smiles softly, “Ah. Yes, I forget. Angels are much different than humans, one thing being the lack of a defined gender. Not that we still can’t choose to decide as one or the other, it’s just simply the fact that we’re not one or the other or even both. We just… are. That being said, whenever we use a language other than Enochian, we have to declare pronouns when addressing one another. I personally don’t see the point, but that’s what humans decided I suppose. When I was second under Gabriel, that’s how she wanted me to call her. I suppose she’s changed her mind since then, or is simply Gabriel being Gabriel.” His smile turns sad, “Still causing confusion and mischief even now.” Zadkiel claps his hands together, which starles Jared and Jensen, “But you didn’t come here to learn about me. You came for the Lance, yes?”

He reaches for the door handle and pauses before he turns it, “May I ask what you need it for?”

Castiel sighs and he’s not sure how much he should reveal, “It’s a precaution.”

Zadkiel smiles and turns the handle, “Really? I heard you and Raphael are having a bit of a disagreement. I guess that’s what you mean by precaution at least.” The angel chuckles as he pushes through the door, “Don’t fret brother. I cannot bring myself to side with Raphael if it means starting the Apocalypse. I’ve gotten fond of the humans, but it seems I’m not the only one.”

The four walk through the stairs and into the archive. The room is huge and shelves appear as if they go on for days. Castiel and Zadkiel continue with Jared and Jensen following a good distance away.

Jensen knows the angels will hear him, but he speaks at a low enough level to indicate he’s at least trying to be courteous, “You know that guy’s name has been popping up a lot lately.”

Jared looks over at Jensen baffled, “Who?”

 “Gabriel.” Jensen glances at the shelves as they follow down the center aisle of the archive, “For someone who’s supposed to be dead, his name is all over the place all of a sudden.”

The taller actor ponders it and realizes it’s true, “Yeah. There was the temple in the Hanging Gardens, the connection to Zadkiel, and isn’t the next item on the list Gabriel’s Horn?” He thinks on it more, “But we _are_ searching for holy weapons and a lot of things that tie into angel mythology. With Gabriel being an archangel it makes sense.”

Jensen still doesn’t look convinced, but he doesn’t say anything else. The small group makes it to the back of the archive, and Jared and Jensen marvel at how long they’ve been walking in one room, and the two stares at what looks like a solid, marble wall.

Zadkiel places a hand on the wall and a light starts at one point at the bottom of the wall and runs in a line upward and around in a path like a door. Once the light reaches the other point at the bottom, Zadkiel pushes the eight inch thick ‘door’ forward. “It’s not that far, but please stay close. It’s easy to get lost down here, and if you do get lost neither of us will be able to find you easily because of the wards.”

He wasn’t kidding. It doesn’t take long, but there are so many twists and turns it’s amazing that the guy knows the way around. Then again, the dude is an angel after all. Jensen wonders if being an angel helps with memory or navigation or something.

The catacombs are clearly old and highly unused. Dust lines the stone floor and every once in a while there’s old, dust covered foot prints from someone who knows how long ago. Torches used to line the walls, but now there’s small lights instead some dimmer than others and some burnt out completely. Zadkiel makes a comment apologizing for the lack of care, but it’s not often someone can come down and clean. It makes sense. How often do people actually need to come in here?

The walk only takes a few minutes and they stop at an old wooden door no different from the other ones they passed on the way. Zadkiel opens the door and the room is almost overflowing with strange relics. The angel wastes no time in digging through the mess of artifacts and pulls out an old, worn wooden spear point. There’s no pole, only the end with several ties and a leather cover. It’s nothing what Jared or Jensen expected to be honest, but they should have realized that something so old has trouble surviving throughout the passage of time, especially one made out of wood.

Jared and Jensen try to peek inside the room, but Zadkiel has the door closed before either can discern anything within. The travel back to the archives is just as quiet as the trip down, some casual conversation from Zadkiel and some persuasion from Castiel for Zadkiel to join their resistance along the way.

Castiel, Jared, and Jensen have no difficulties getting back outside, and Jensen puts his hands on his hips, “Huh. Well, that one wasn’t so bad.” He glances over at Castiel who seems to look like he has the same opinion, “Where to next?”

Castiel answers quickly as if expecting the question, “Broward County, Florida.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea if there are secret catacombs anywhere in the Vatican hiding occult and/or relic items. I just thought it would be cool. I also don’t know the layout of inside of the library so I apologize if I got anything wrong.
> 
> According to angel lore, angels do not have genders, but Gabriel is considered the closest to being female than any of the others, so I kind of played with that a bit. But for Supernatural purposes angels in this fic, angels don't have a specific gender. I don't think Enochian uses pronouns (from what I have seen), so it makes sense that they (angels) may use certain pronouns when they normally wouldn't when speaking English (or any language)
> 
> This is the closest thing I could find to matching Zadkiel’s outfit: gentlemansemporium(dot)com/store/media/003013/003013_02(dot)jpg


	11. You're Finished. Fertig! Verfallen! Verlumpt! Verblunget! Verkackt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that my updates/schedule/ramblings/place to send suggestions/etc. is on my writing blog on Tumblr (chaostiel).
> 
> Counting this one, only five chapters to go!

 

When the bizarre trio arrives, Jared and Jensen stare in disbelief. It’s Broward County, Florida alright, and it finally dawns on them why the name is familiar. They both knew it was something related to the show, but they hadn’t anticipated _this_.

They aren’t even outside the building, but Jared and Jensen know _exactly_ where they are. The green and black swirling spiral painted down the hallway is a dead giveaway.

“Mystery Spot,” Jensen thinks out loud and sucks in a nervous breath. “If I hear Asia, you can bet your ass I’m out of here.”

The place hasn’t changed at all, which is odd considering how long ago Sam and Dean last visited the place. It’s a bit dustier, but seems to still be in use judging by the working lights and relatively clean floors.

Castiel seems more occupied with looking around, and when he decides what they are looking for isn’t in the dizzying hallway, he moves to the next room.

“What exactly should we be looking for?” Jensen follows Castiel and scans the new room.

“I’m afraid I don’t know. There’s a strong possibility that Gabriel disguised it to prevent anyone from finding it.” Castiel walks over to a bookshelf and picks up and examines a shrunken head and an old, leather bound book. “It could be anything.”

Jensen catches a creepy ceramic doll out of the corner of his eye and backs away from the children’s toy, “So how the hell do we know if we’ve found it, and how do you know it’s here?”

Jared enters the room looking around as curiously as Jensen had when he first entered the room. Castiel goes to the next shelf and continues his search, “There’s no guarantee it’s here, but there have been a few rumors worth looking into. Even disguised it should have at least a fair amount of his grace within in it. If I get close enough, I should be able to pinpoint the source.”

The two humans slump and when Castiel looks at them he sees the disappointment in their faces. Jared sets the contemporary art sculpture he was holding down gently, “So we’re useless then?”

“You are far from useless. Both of you have already proven that already.” Castiel turns to face the two actors, “I couldn’t have made it this far without you.” It’s a half truth. It’s possible Castiel could have found and reclaimed the holy weapons without them, but it would have taken significantly longer and probably would have not been as peaceful.

 “So,” Jared shifts around awkwardly, “How’s the war going?” When Castiel replies with a mournful sigh, Jared realizes that’s all the answer he needed to hear. “That good, huh?

Castiel turns around to face Jared and stare curiously at the tall human, “You are truly interested?”

Jared looks at Jensen shrugs but nods, and then back at the rebel angel, “Well, yeah. I mean, I don’t think we know that much and the more we know the better, right?”

The angel pauses in his search but refrains from looking up from the shelf he was examining. “Not well, but I’m sure you’ve already guessed as much. I’ve been recruiting help wherever we can get it, but it’s difficult because Raphael has spies everywhere. We’re recruiting from the Spirits of Solomon, some of which you have already met, but it’s… complicated.”

Castiel chooses not to elaborate on the fact that he was only able to do so through Crowley. All seventy-two Spirits of Solomon are fallen angels who became rulers of hell and control legions of demons. The whole idea made Castiel’s vessel’s skin crawl, but later he found out that most were completely loyal to him and his cause. At least the ones that have joined him have shown only desire to return home and would gladly turn their backs on their control in hell. Caim already proved his worth on multiple occasions. Before Castiel’s own fall, he would have killed Caim, Forcas, and Morax without a second thought. Now, they’ve not only proved themselves, but they have also shown that their fall only proved how loyal they could be even if it was to Lucifer. There have been a few that Castiel wanted nothing to do with, Bael, Glasyalabolas, and Eligor more so than the others. Bael is almost as powerful as Raphael by himself, but Castiel feared the angel was going to use him just to take over himself. Glasyalabolas is notoriously known for inciting humans to bloodshed and Castiel was trying to prevent humans from dying, not be part of the cause. Eligor, again very powerful but just as dangerous, is known for causing war and Castiel doesn’t want their civil war to get any worse.

”It’s fortunate that right now that war mostly resides in Heaven and is held outside of the personal heavens of the departed.” Castiel hopes the two humans don’t press anymore on the Spirits of Solomon and he tries to veer the conversation off.

“Wait a minute,” Jensen stops Castiel and the angel does his best to hide his minor panic, “What do you mean outside of the personal heavens?”

Oh, that. Castiel’s diversion works and he has no difficulty in continuing with the slight change in topic, “Each human has their own personal heaven, except for soul mates who share one. However, there are also ten separate tiers of heavens outside of the personal ones. Those are also shared amongst our brothers and sisters.”

Castiel misses the lost expressions on Jared and Jensen’s faces and continues in the same matter-of-factly tone as he started with, “Currently, our group only has control over the First and Sixth Heaven, and that is difficult enough considering how much the distance is spreading our forces between the two. Raphael has the Second, Fifth, and Third. The Second has always been under his lead, and is where he keeps most of his forces. Part of this is mostly due to their current inhabitants, however. The Second Heaven is used as a penal area where fallen angels await judgment, and considering the amount of our forces are such angels, it’s unlikely we will have enough volunteers willing to join a skirmish let alone a full out battle. The same can be said for the Fifth Heaven. That’s where the prisons are as well as the…” The angel trails off and a pained look crosses his face.

Both Jared and Jensen stare with wide eyes as the try to process all of the information, but nothing else comes from Castiel after his words dissipate. He almost looks like he’s trying to remember something; something horrible he experienced, but keeps falling short.

Castiel shakes his head and any chance of remembering the memories, “In any case, it’s not wise to fight there because of any chance prisoners may escape.”

Something about the last comment gets Jared’s interest and his confusion changes into curiosity, “But couldn’t you ask the prisoners for help?”

The angel thinks about Jared’s question, but doesn’t dwell on it long already having come to a decision. “It’s not worth the risk. Angels and fallen angels in the Tartarus are far beyond redeemable. They are there for a reason.”

“Tardar sauce? What? Anyway, is that you saying that,” Jensen can’t help but ask, “or what you’ve been told?”

“I know enough about the prisoners to know that they have well earned their place. There are many discrepancies in your Bible, but Peter did get at least one thing correct.

_For if God did not spare angels when they sinned,_ _but sent them to hell,  
to be_ _held_ _for_ _judgment_ _;_ _if he did not spare the ancient world when he  
brought the flood on its ungodly people,_ _but protected Noah, a preacher  
 of righteousness, and seven others;_ _if he condemned the cities of Sodom  
 and Gomorrah by burning them to ashes,_ _and made them an example of  
what is going to happen to the ungodly;_ _and if he rescued Lot,_ _a righteous  
 man, who was distressed by the depraved conduct of the lawless_ _(for that  
righteous man ,_ _living among them day after day, was tormented in_ _his  
 _ _righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)—_ _if this is so, then  
 the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials_ _and to hold the_  
unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment.”

“Righteous man, huh?” Jensen doesn’t appear to buy into anything Castiel has said once the last few verses were said, “He seemed to have no problems saving Dean, the Righteous Man, who is pretty much going through exactly that except monsters instead of unlawful. Who’s to say the rest can’t be changed either?”

Castiel’s composure is shattered by Jensen’s words. He had never thought about it before, he never questioned it, but he was never meant to question. He’s already breaking the rules everywhere else, and Jensen has a point. Why is this any different?

Jensen looks smug now that he can see Castiel’s internal struggle, “Is there even one you can think of that doesn’t deserve another chance?”

“Gadreel,” the name escapes Castiel’s lips before he even realizes what he’s saying.

The proud smile on Jensen’s face disappears instantly, “What?”

“One of the Watchers who failed. Gadreel not only led Eve astray in the Garden and caused your kind to be permanently expelled from Eden, but also helped teach your kind how to use weapons and how to kill one another.” Castiel’s eyes are full of anger, and though he has never met his brother personally, he knows these acts are unforgivable. Even when his Father was still in Heaven, He never spoke of the fallen angel. “Shemhazai, who is also a Watcher and you have both met, does not even speak well of Gadreel and Shemhazai knew our brother personally. He may have come to realize he made terrible mistakes, but he _cannot_ be trusted. I will not take the chance.”

Castiel says it with a finality that leaves the air cold and tense. Neither Jensen nor Jared have enough courage to keep the conversation going and decide to go back to their search.

The angel notices the humans’ fright and sighs, “I apologize. There are just some matters that I would rather not discuss. You were only trying to help.”

The stiff posture that the other two held eases slightly, but it’s far from the comfortable stance they had before the conversation started. Uncomfortable silence passes over the room as the three continue their search for Gabriel’s Horn. Unfortunately, the search for Gabriel’s Horn is uneventful and after searching four of the rooms over the course of an hour, the small group is visibly getting frustrated.

Finally giving up, Jared decides he might as well make the best of their situation and grabs some of the gag toys from the gift shop and puts them on, “Hey, Jensen!”

When Jensen turns around, he bends over and laughs at the sight. His smile stretches wide across his face and his eyes shut showing the faint lines of his crow’s feet. Jared is wearing those ridiculous springy eye glasses and a superhero cape and he’s flailing his arms around in the air while sucking in his cheeks. Jensen decides to take a break himself and glances over at whatever objects are nearby.

The first thing he spots is a gym whistle and he puts the cord around his neck and smiles, “Hey, Jared. The whistle makes me their god.” He grabs the whistle in his hand and brings the cold metal to his face, but before his lips press against the whistle, Castiel grabs Jensen’s wrist firmly.

Jensen gulps and stares wide eyed at the angel and Jared removes the toy glasses staring at the other two. Castiel seems entranced by the whistle, and Jensen looks between the angel and the whistle a few times before he speaks. “You’re… you’re kidding, right? Gabriel’s Horn is a freaking gym whistle?”

Castiel nods and releases Jensen’s hand, “It sounds like something Gabriel would do. Small enough to hide, unassuming enough to leave in plain sight, and still able to be used for its intended purpose. I didn’t even sense it until you were about to use it.”

Jensen hides the whistle under his shirt for the time being. “So, not useless then?”

The rebel angel huffs a soft laugh, “No. Far from it.”

Jared and Jensen smile proudly, but Castiel goes rigid and spins around placing himself in front of the two humans. Only a second later, Jared and Jensen both hear the telltale sound of wings indicating the arrival of an angel. Terror washes over the two actors when not one, but two unknown angels appear in the room. Castiel, on the other hand, looks relieved.

Both vessels are Caucasian men, but one definitely sticks out a bit more than the other. One is simply wearing fitted jeans, an orange hoodie, a black beanie, and has signs of a five o’clock shadow. The other is wearing a white, lacey top, a short and fluffy, pink skirt, thigh high pink and white striped stockings, and matching converse sneakers. A shiny, pink lip gloss covers his lips and his long black hair is tied up high in a ponytail with his bangs in banana curls in the front.

“Why are you wearing a skirt?” Jared stares at Jensen in disbelief and Jensen has a face to match when the words slip from his mouth.

“My vessel is a transgender, you got a problem with that?” His voice sounds joking, but the look he’s giving Jensen is challenging.

Jensen shakes his head quickly.

“Good. Hey, Boss Man.” The angel in pink is now focused on Castiel with a smile on his face. “How’s the hunt going so far?”

Castiel hands off the satchel with the burning bush off to the angel in the hoodie who looks at the bag in awe and takes it from Castiel in such a way the angel expects it to shatter in his grasp if he grips the bag any tighter.

Jared looks between the angels, “Um.” The two new angels look at Jared and he steps toward them.

The angel in pink smiles at Jared, “Well, aren’t you a tall fucker.”

“You wish.” The one in the hoodie starts snickering at his own comment and Castiel sends his brothers a disapproving look.

“Sitri. Zepar.” Castiel’s tone couldn’t be misread as anything but a warning.

The angel in pink holds up his, no her, hands and Jared and Jensen that her nails are finely manicured and painted to match the rest of her outfit. “Alright, alright. We’re just playing Boss Man. Off limits, we get it.”

Jared and Jensen both send Castiel questioning looks, but Castiel can’t keep eye contact with either and looks away. He tells himself he’ll tell them later when his brothers have left. Chances are the two humans will be even more uncomfortable if they knew. “Sitri.”

“Yessum?” The woman replies so she must be Sitri, which means the other must be Zepar.

“Can you and Zepar take the burning bush to Balthazar?” Castiel wants to tell them that they also found Gabriel’s Horn, but with it being easy to hide and the unexpected run in with Shemhazai and Zadkiel he thinks he should hold on to it for a while as a precaution.

Sitri suggestively licks her lips, “You got it, sexy.” She then sends a wink to Jared and Jensen and disappears with Zepar.

Castiel sighs and when he turns he sees Jared and Jensen the most confused he’s seen them yet. “Sitri and Zepar are… interesting.”

“I’ll say,” Jared laughs.

“They are both Spirits of Solomon, and I sent them to Balthazar since the three of them seem to get along so well.” Now that his brothers are gone, Castiel might as well tell them. “Zepar is known to assume the guise of a beautiful human, and he causes men and women to fall in love with each other and take off all their clothes.” Jensen chokes on air and Jared laughs nervously, “I can only assume that’s what he was referring to earlier. Sitri on the other hand makes women, and lately men, fall in love with men and transforms them into other forms and shapes until they have been fully enjoyed by their lovers. With the exception of him causing women to become barren, they’re harmless for the most part.” Jared and Jensen gape at Castiel who, once again, keeps talking and not realizing the uncomfortable topic, “It’s all consensual as he has similar abilities of cupids, but I cannot say I fully understand why they do the things they do. They both have proven helpful in all situations so far and they mean well, I just fear they may have spent too much time in hell.”

Jared and Jensen are speechless and both are twitching nervously unsure how to respond. Castiel doesn’t give either the chance to, he grabs each one by their shoulders and the three are off again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the angel lore again… and sorry I kind of get carried away with foreshadowing to the show and trying to clean up loose ends… I find it interesting Gadreel showed up (as itself) in SpN shortly after I wrote in one of the other Watchers.
> 
> I love the Spirits of Solomon. Each one is unique and is really interesting. I didn’t change anything and those are their names. I used another one, Amy (and yes that’s the fallen angel’s name), in another story (“How Many is Too Much”) if anyone is interested.
> 
> The part Castiel didn’t say when talking about the prisons was the rehabilitation area. He doesn’t remember when he was there himself, but the memories linger enough to cause him pain when he thinks about it. The Fifth Heaven is the prison, but there’s nothing about rehabilitating angels so I included it there because it made the most sense.
> 
> The quote is 2 Peter 2:4-9. Something that has been nagging at me ever since I saw Season Four.
> 
> Sitri’s vessel isn’t as flirty as Sitri is, in fact I think she would be shy and she’s only comfortable to dress like that in private, and Sitri was helping her break out of her shell. Maybe that’s part of how Sitri convinced her into saying yes. Please don’t think that I see all transgenders like the way Sitri was behaving.


	12. Oh no, Don't Do That. Don’t Do That. If You Shoot Him, You'll just Make Him Mad.

 

Jared and Jensen’s minds are still reeling at the information about Zepar and Sitri, and how thankful they are that Castiel was there to play interference.

“New Harmony, Indiana.” Castiel breaks the silence as the two humans try to get their footing and gather their thoughts.

“What?” Jensen looks up and around and determines that they’ve been taken to an old abandoned church, and one that’s seen much better days.

Castiel doesn’t wait and immediately begins looking around, “That’s where we are. I assumed you would want to know because it’s always the first question you ask when we go to a new location.”

“Oh, crap.” Jared’s glancing around the church now with wide eyes when Jensen turns to look at him for the sudden outburst. “This is it, isn’t it?”

Jensen turns back and gazes around the room much like Jared and a similar unsettling feeling sits deep in his gut. The large room is tall and the floor is made of white stone that is covered in dirt and leaves. Wooden tables are covered in wax from various candles and candelabras that are currently unlit. In small alcoves that resemble windows on either side of a large wooden door that is rounded at the top with a stone block frame sit old and fragile looking painted statues of the virgin mother Mary. More unlit candelabras sit around the room including the windows to the front. In the front of the room, and probably the most notable feature of the entire room, is a large white, stone coffin with intricate carvings on the side and with on step leading up to it and two more candelabras on top.

Jensen whispers, his lips barely move. “The final seal.”

Jared’s brow dips as confusion takes over. “Wasn’t this place destroyed though?”

“That is true, and that is the biggest clue that tells us our hunches are right that the Shears of Samson are here.” Castiel is still examining the room, in what now Jared and Jensen both now know is for the next holy artifact.

“No offense,” Jensen steps forward, holding up both hands in what he hopes is a calming manner, “But why the hell would this place be restored let alone hold a holy weapon?”

“And _that_ my dimwitted mud monkey, is the question of the hour.” An unfamiliar voice, booms out from behind them as the wooden door dissolves into ash on the floor.

Castiel, Jared, and Jensen all spin around to stare at the newcomer and before Jensen or Jared can respond, Castiel is immediately standing in front of them with his angel blade drawn and an arm held out to his side to block them.

The rebel angel is seething with anger, “ _Wormwood_.”

“Wormwood?” Jensen can’t help but let out a small laugh, “Man, you must have really gotten gypped when it came down to handing out angel names.” His smile drops hesitantly, “Uh, or demon names, or whatever the hell you are.”

The new man, a middle aged Caucasian with graying hair in a slate gray suit and dress shirt, points at Jensen. “You, are funny.” His hand drops and then brushes the lapel of his suit coat in an already seemingly bored manner. “I’ll be sure to kill you last. I could use a good laugh.”

The first thought that runs through Jensen’s mind is: Not a good guy. The second one is: Chances are if he’s last, it’s going to be a slow, painful, and highly likely messy death. He wants to help, but he doesn’t even know who or what they’re dealing with, and he won’t be much help if he’s dead so he starts to back away and towards the coffin.

Jared, on the other hand, takes a step closer and behind Castiel. “Who is this guy?”

Castiel hasn’t moved an inch, “Wormwood. He’s-”

“The fallen star of Revelations.” Wormwood takes a step closer to Castiel with his arms spread wide. “Number three of seven of the Trumpets that are the judgments of the seventh seal.” His arms cross in front of his chest, “A now very broken seal, if I might add thanks to yours truly.”

“He’s a fallen angel.” Castiel finishes what he was going to say before Wormwood interrupted him. “One of the worst.”

Wormwood takes an exuberant bow. “Thank you, dear brother.”

Castiel rises to Wormwood’s words, “You have no _right_ to call me that.”

“So angry.” Wormwood shakes his head and sighs. “You’re just as bad as Raphael.”

“You’re helping Raphael. I should have guessed you would.” Castiel’s posture straightens, though he’s still poised to attack.

Jared looks between the two angels, “Can’t we reason with him?”

“No. There’s no reasoning with him. He wants this to happen.” Castiel’s eyes narrow, “He’s part of the reason the Apocalypse started the first time.” He takes one more step towards his fallen brother, “What is your goal in this, Wormwood?”

**_“Quasb nanta.”_ **

The words, in what Jared guesses must be in Enochian, is almost enough to make Castiel charge the other angel. Instead his hand twitches on his angel blade, **_“Uniglag de donasdogamatastos.”_**

“Been there.” Wormwood shrugs. “Done that.” Then he smirks, “But this is much more fun.”

Wormwood starts strutting forward, but his sure, quick steps are cut short when five new angels appear in between him and Castiel. Jared only recognizes the one that introduced himself as Caim. The other four have matching suits, but Jared can’t make out much of anything by the back of their heads.

“Well, well.” Wormwood looks angry for the first time since walking in the room, “Haven’t seen any of you in a while. I would have figured you lot would be standing over here with me. Naberius, Flauros, Vassago, Sariel, _Caim_.” He turns his head to the side and his own posture stiffens. “Can’t say I’m surprised, however.”

Jared looks over his shoulder, and notices that Jensen is nowhere in sight. When he double takes, he starts to back away from Castiel slowly and look around for where his coworker might have disappeared off to. When he gets to the other side of the coffin he sees that a large, white tile has been shifted to the side revealing a small opening. Jared nearly jumps when he sees Jensen pop his head out quickly from the hole. How he managed to fit down there, Jared has no clue, but if they get out of this mess he’s definitely going to tease Jensen about it later.

Jensen slides a small marble box out of the hole and slowly crawls out immediately after. He then opens the box and pulls out a small pair on pristine, gold scissors from the box and gestures his head towards the large group at the front of the room. It takes a moment, but Jared catches on and the two humans crouch and quietly creep back towards the back of the room.

There’s no telling if Jensen’s plan is going to work, but it must be bad if so many angels showed up to help Castiel with one fallen angel. Some even look nervous, and the two humans both wonder if the others are still outmatched even though they outnumber the enemy. Jared and Jensen can see that none of the angels have moved, so it might be hard to sneak up on Wormwood if they’re the only ones moving. Their tall statures probably won’t help much in those regards either.

Jared goes to the left of their angel allies, and Jensen goes to the right. Both are still just behind and what they think are out of sight of Wormwood and look to each other for a signal to charge.

“I know you’re both there.” So much for surprise. “I just don’t see either of you as a threat. Then again, to me, you’re as menacing as the dirt on the bottom of my shoe.” Wormwood’s lip curls into a sneer. “And about as useful.”

Now’s a good as time as ever, Jensen nods and Jared spins out from behind the wall of angels proving a large enough distraction to get Wormwood’s as well as the other angels, attention. Jensen jumps out from behind and charges towards the fallen angel.

Jared grabs Wormwood from behind, who merely sighs, “What _are_ you doing? You do realize a weak human as yourself can’t possibly hold me.”

Wormwood’s eyebrows furrow at a strange sound and after hearing it a few more times, he pushes Jared away and is surprised when the human doesn’t go flying near as far as he intended. Quickly glancing over at the other angels, Wormwood can see a fair amount of confusion and surprise on their faces as well. Castiel, on the other hand, is staring between him and what he assumes is the person responsible for the sound of snipping coming from behind Wormwood again. Wormwood reaches a hand through his vessel’s hair and finds that large patches are missing and have been clearly cut. He spins around and finds the other human standing with a pair of golden scissors and an extremely nervous and awkward smile.

His eyes widen when he realizes exactly which pair of scissors Jensen is holding, and immediately reaches out to grab the holy weapon. Panic sets in when the human instinctively grabs his hand and actually prevents Wormwood from taking the Shears of Samson from him. He hears movement from behind him, and he already can tell his brothers are closing in on him. Wormwood even tries to flee, but knows he has no chance of escape when he can’t pull enough of his grace to whisk him away.

In a last ditch effort, Wormwood pulls his hand free and flings both hands forward and circles his hands around Jensen’s throat. Jensen’s eyes go large and the scissors clang to the ground when his own hands reach up to try to pull Wormwood’s crushing grip away from his throat.

Jensen’s staring directly into Wormwood’s eyes when he sees the fallen angel jerk and his hands start to loosen. He has to close his eyes when a bright light starts gushing out of Wormwood’s eyes and mouth. His skin is burning hot and when Jensen finally pulls free, he falls to the ground and uses one of his arms to shield his face from the blinding light.

Once the light dies out, both Jensen and Jared have to blink several times before they can see anything. Spots still linger as they look around, but the two can make out the body of Wormwood on the cold floor and two large and black ashen wings covers the white marble. The wings are so large that they spread across the entire length of the floor and the tips start to crawl up the sides of the walls. Where the wings overlap where leaves and dirt once sat on the floor, a dark charcoal like substance sits in its place.

Castiel is looming over what was once Wormwood’s vessel with his angel blade still drawn and now covered in blood. The other angels haven’t moved and are staring dumbfounded at the fallen and now dead angel. Jensen rubs his neck, and winces when he gulps at the sight of the deceased angel.

Castiel reaches a hand out to Jensen, “Are you alright?”

Jensen accepts the hand and is easily pulled up from his spot on the floor, “Yeah. Better than him at least.”

Caim helps Jared up, while Castiel is helping Jensen, “How did you two know that would work?”

Jared laughs lightly, “To be honest, I had no clue. Jen-”

“Thank you both.” Castiel cuts Jared off before the name leaves his lips causing Caim to narrow his eyes at Castiel. “Without your quick thinking I fear we didn’t stand a chance.”

Caim still sends Castiel a suspicious look, but doesn’t say anything about it. Instead he decides to focus on the matter at hand. “And now Wormwood is dead. Things might finally be turning around for you.”

Castiel doesn’t miss the look or the choice of words, and his posture straightens. “If there’s something you have to say, brother, please say it.”

That seems to be enough to make Caim back down, “No. It’s nothing.”

Castiel nods, “Then, if we’re finished here, we should continue our search.”

Caim and the other angels take that as their cue and depart in the soft rustle of feathers as their only goodbye leaving Castiel alone with Jared and Jensen. When Castiel turns to face the two humans who are now standing beside one another, he notices a very similar expression to Caim’s on both of their faces.

Castiel tilts his head curiously at the two, but neither Jared nor Jensen say anything. Jensen does look down to where he dropped the scissors, or rather shears, and notices that they’re gone. He assumes one of the other angels took it when they disappeared.

Jared’s shoulders slump and he tries his best to hold back a yawn, “Okay. Five down. One to go. We just need this Shroud thing and we can finally go home, right?”

Jensen and Jared don’t like the long pause Castiel takes before he answers with a simple, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Quasb nanta” according to the Complete Enochian Dictionary by Donald C. Laycock (through the notes and findings and as revealed to Dr. John Dee and Edward Kelley is Enochian means “destroy earth/spirit” in very, very chopped words. The approximation of what Castiel says to Wormwood is “Go down to hell fire” again in very choppy Enochian as I’m still learning, so I apologize for that. I would have written it in the proper Enochian, but there really isn’t the text option for Enochian…
> 
> Caim knows that Jared and Jensen aren’t Sam and Dean, but Castiel is trying to tell as few as possible about this. The only reason he and the first group of angels found out was because Simiel was able to figure it out before Castiel could hide their true presence from them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s not Sunday. My updates are going to be all over the place for a bit. My goal is to finish up this story by Saturday (as the last chapter has been written since chapter four or something ridiculous). Reminder that my update list (for anyone that follows any of the other stories) is on my writing blog on Tumblr (chaostiel).

 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 13:** **We Don’t Care if it’s the First Act of Henry V. We’re Leaving.**

It turns out that the Shroud is the easiest holy weapon to get, and both Jared and Jensen are extremely grateful for it. They run into another angel that is supposedly guarding the weapon, which is expected considering all the others they’ve gotten up to this point. The only real hiccup was when Jensen scoffed at the other angel’s name.

“Dude, Ariel? Like the Little Mermaid?”

After a long explanation from Castiel about how his brother isn’t a mermaid or little for that matter, Ariel hesitantly gives them the Shroud. Jared looks like he wants to comment on the small piece of brown and worn fabric, but refrains after Jensen’s outburst about the Ariel’s name. There also might be the fact that Jared may or may not have gotten distracted by the golden lab on the other side of the park.

It is already midafternoon, and the two actors are finally starting to struggle to keep their eyes open now that their adrenaline is starting to dissipate. Luckily for them, Castiel picks up on this and wastes no time excusing them from his brother’s curiosity. The rebel angel flies them back to where everything started, Bobby’s house.

 

_______________

 

Apparently Bobby Singer has also been busy while they were gone. The study has been cleaned up and even a new window sits in place where the broken one used to be. The older hunter walks in and jumps a little at their sudden appearance, but then rolls his eyes and returns to the books he is currently going through.

Without looking up at them, he lets out a gruff, “Go on upstairs. You two look like you could use a little shut eye.”

What they need is to go home, but it probably a good idea to get at least a little sleep before who knows what can come next before they make it back. The two nod and grumble an agreeing response and tiredly make their way up the old wooden stairs, their footsteps falling heavy on each step.

Castiel and Bobby watch Jared and Jensen slowly make their way upstairs before Bobby returns his gaze back to Castiel as he crosses his arms. “Alright. So when are they going back, and more importantly, when is Sam and Dean coming home?”

The angel opens his mouth to answer, but is cut off by the sound of his brother, Balthazar’s arrival. “There you are, Cassie. I should have known you would come here first. It’s so like you to cling to this dirty hovel,” he pauses and gives Bobby a small smile, “No, offense of course.”

Bobby snarls back with a quiet, “No, of course.”

Balthazar goes back to ignoring Bobby and focuses back on Castiel, “And it’s occupants. I can’t even pull you away from the Winchesters even when they’re _not_ the Winchesters.”

“Is there a reason you’re here, Balthazar?” Castiel knows he’s being rude, but he had the perfect opportunity to finally check up with how things were running on the other side of his army. Not even Balthazar knows of his alliance with the demon, Crowley, and he wishes to keep it that way. The only reason he was able to enlist the aid of the Spirits of Solomon was because of him. Getting them out of Hell was a feat in itself, but finding ones that he deemed worthy enough to work with or genuine in their desire to help and put things right was even more difficult. There’s a few of them he’s still suspicious of and has put under a careful watch, but there are a few that Castiel truly feels is trying to make things right.

He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he almost misses the hurt look on his brother’s face. “I’m hurt, Cassie! I came to check up on you and the replacement dysfunctional duo of yours.”

“I’m fine,” Castiel says with a bit more bite than he intended which causes both Balthazar and Bobby to raise a questioning eyebrow at him. “And their names are-”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes.” Balthazar cuts Castiel off and waves a hand dismissively around. “I know, I know. Don’t get so pent up. Actually, I dropped by, hoping to grab a few materials for sending those two…” Balthazar rolls his eyes when Castiel stiffens again, “When Jared and Jensen get to go back to home sweet home. It was a happy coincidence that I managed to run into you because there are a few things I would like to discuss about that and dear Raphy’s plans.”

Bobby is a bit more eager when he starts hearing about bringing Sam and Dean back, “Anything I can help with?”

Balthazar smiles and Bobby’s good mood suddenly goes out his brand new window, “Yes! Let me write you a list of things we need.”

The hunter’s brow rises when he sees the short list, “Yeah, sure. I’ve got everything-”

“Um, yes. About that…” Balthazar goes back to Castiel and puts a hand on his shoulder before his brother can fly off, “I might have already used a few of those when I sent them on their way the first time.”

Bobby looks up surprised and a hint of anger flashes across his face. He doesn’t do more than grumble, however, and walks off in what Castiel hopes in a search for the items needed for the spell.

Once the hunter leaves, Balthazar turns to face Castiel with a more serious expression. “Well, then. Do you want the good news, or the bad news?”

Castiel can tell Balthazar is trying to keep the mood lighter, but there’s some indication he’s struggling to do so. He decides it would be better to get the worst of it over with, if only to put his brother’s worries at ease. “You can start with the latter if you wish.”

Balthazar sighs and Castiel cannot tell if it’s for more of relief or simply the sound of giving in. “Bad news it is then. I’m afraid to be the one bearing the news that our dear brother has already begun his ‘righteous’ march against us. In doing so, we’ve lost a fair amount of our own forces.”

“How many?” Castiel knew there was going to be casualties since day one, but it did nothing to prepare him for actually hearing about them.

His brother sighs again, “Enough. If you want I can give you names later, but there’s more.”

Castiel’s posture stiffens when he hears that there’s more to Balthazar’s bad news. Instead of asking for the names of his fallen brothers and sisters, he shakes his head mentally making a note to ask for every name later to and to pay his respects to each and every one of them, he nods to let Balthazar know to continue.

“I don’t think the weapons are going to be enough.” When Castiel looks like he’s about to object, Balthazar holds up his hands to stop him. “Don’t get me wrong, Cassie. They will be wonderful help, I just don’t think it’s going to be enough. I hate to be a downer, but we’re terribly outmatched.”

The words cause Castiel’s heart to sink. All this time he thought they were doing so well, but if even Balthazar is telling him they are fighting a lost cause, things must be looking grim. It’s not the first time, he’s played against all odds, he fought with the Winchesters and Bobby Singer against the Apocalypse and won after all, but he doesn’t know if he will be able to pull it off again.

Either way, he has to talk to Crowley and soon. Maybe things are looking better on his end, maybe he has what they need to turns the odds in their favor, or maybe he should finally admit defeat and ask the Winchesters for help. Regardless, he needs to bring Sam and Dean back before things get worse. Pushing the negative aside, he looks up to where Jared and Jensen are presumably sleeping. “And the good news?”

Balthazar shoots Castiel a frown that exposes his teeth, “Yeah. About that…”

Castiel squints his eyes as he peers back over to his brother, already deciding he’s not going to like what he’s about to hear.

“It’s not so much good news as it is slightly less dismal news.” Castiel’s eyes widen and his nostrils flare in a failed attempt to hide his slowly growing anger, “We have found all the holy artifacts that can be found on this plane.”

Worry quickly builds in Castiel’s gut. The vagueness of Balthazar’s comment could mean anything. The worst option being one or multiple weapons could be in the hands of an enemy, but it could also mean that one or more could simply be out of their reach. That could be another reason why Balthazar fears their resistance may be losing. “Which ones?”

“Oh, don’t worry. Just one.” The lack of his usual demeanor already tells Castiel which one it is exactly. “Unfortunately, there’s no sign of Metatron’s Cube.” And that was the answer Castiel dreaded to hear. “Apparently it was taken long before I raided the rest of Dad’s cabinet of toys though.”

Castiel’s worry ebbs into confusion, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know where it is, or where it went, but judging by the state everything is when I grabbed as much as I could carry,” He snickers, “Which turns out to be bloody everything, the Cube was long gone. Has been for some time. So I guess good news is that if Raphy or any demon had it, we would’ve heard about it by now. Since there’s no sign of it on this plane, Heaven, or Hell, chances are it’s well out of reach so we don’t have to worry about it showing its ugly face later.”

Balthazar was right. It’s not dismal news, but it isn’t exactly good news like he originally led Castiel to believe. Castiel crosses his arms and tries to let everything sink in and figure out what to do next. It doesn’t take him long to come back to his original decision and send Jared and Jensen home and, in turn, bring Sam and Dean back. He can go from there after everyone is back where they are supposed to be. “Thank you, Balthazar.”

“I wish I had better news for you. Truly.”

Castiel holds up a hand to stop his brother’s apologizing. He can’t be held at fault for this. No one can really. “I think we need to bring Dean and Sam back.” Once again, the Winchester brothers have proved to be an enormous help. There’s no telling what Raphael would have done on his last attack if he didn’t think they didn’t actually have the weapons and were actually looking for them. He can only imagine how bad it could have been had Raphael found any of the weapons first.

“I honestly don’t see what you see in those two apes, but you may be right.” Balthazar puts his hands on his waist. “I’m sure much longer and our dear brother might start catching onto our diversion.”

The two angels fly up to the room where Jared and Jensen are sleeping, and Castiel doesn’t miss how similar the otherworlders sleep in comparison to Sam and Dean. It’s a short lived moment though, as Balthazar claps his hands together a few times. Loudly. The two humans startle and all but jump out of the bed.

“All right then. Time to pack your bags and be on your merry way then.” Balthazar walks up and roughly yanks the bed sheets off of Jared who is still flailing around at the sudden, loud intrusion, and then he walks to the side to repeat the motion with Jensen’s.

The two humans look shaken, but exhaustion still clouds each of their eyes. Everyone’s attention jumps to the sound of a door slamming downstairs and Castiel realizes that Bobby must already be back with the supplies they need to perform the spell. Balthazar must have come to the same conclusion as he’s already flying downstairs to meet the older hunter. His suspicions are confirmed when Castiel hears  the sound of things clattering to the ground followed by profanities and the word ‘Idjit.’

Sure enough, Bobby has returned with the items they need and Balthazar immediately goes to work at putting everything in order while the humans and Castiel watch. It’s not long before the blond haired angel has everything in order, though there is a brief argument when Bobby sees Balthazar paint the new window.

“Seriously? You need to break my window? Again?”

Balthazar shrugs, “We could break a different one if you’d like.”

Bobby grumbles again, but otherwise stays quiet. Castiel, on the other hand, stays quiet off to the side and leaving his brother to his work. Once satisfied, Balthazar nods at his work and turns to Jared and Jensen and with his index and middle finger he gestures the two to step towards him.

Hesitantly Jared and Jensen take their place in front of the window and take a look at each other before facing forward. When they do, Balthazar immediately uses his grace to push the two through the window.

 

_______________

 

“Ow.”

Castiel, Balthazar, and Bobby look over the frame of the broken window down at the two forms lying on the damp ground below. Two very sore, tired figures who quickly scan their surroundings. Disappointment creeps up on each of their faces, and Castiel realizes that the spell didn’t work.

Jared stands up and brushes off the glass from his shirt and reaches out to help Jensen up, “It didn’t work.”

Castiel’s brows furrow and he looks to Balthazar for an answer. “Something’s wrong.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter to go and will be posted some time Sunday (as soon as I finish it on my writing blog, and sometime in the evening here)!!! Again, many thanks to all the readers for checking out my first fanfic!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Chapter 14: They’ve hit Buddy! Come on, girls!**

 

_Jared stands up and brushes off the glass from his shirt and reaches out to help Jensen up, “It didn’t work.”_

_Castiel’s brows furrow and he looks to Balthazar for an answer. “Something’s wrong.”_

_______________

 

“Clearly.” Balthazar sounds far from surprised and even a bit exasperated. “Tell me, something. What _exactly_ happened when you were brought here?”

Jared and Jensen look to each other before shrugging and looking back at the blond angel and Jared speaks up first, “Well, we were on set and doing our own stunts for that shoot.” Jensen makes a comment about getting paid more for that since it’s not in their contract, but Jared continues, “We jumped through the window-”

“Bloody hell.” Balthazar nearly groans and settles on a loud sigh instead. “I think you little blighters need to be in the same place at the same time, less emphasis on little and more on blighters, of course. It must have been sheer coincidence to get you through the first time.”

Jensen looks around at the four others in the room and sputtering a few times before he’s able to get the words out, “Wait. What does that mean?”

“Oops.” Balthazar says casually with a smirk.

Panic starts to creep over Jared and Jensen’s faces, but Jared is able to squash it down enough to press more on the matter, “Can… can’t you use your angel voodoo or mojo or whatever to contact them?”

Castiel doesn’t waste any time and closes his eyes and focuses on finding Sam and Dean as the others watch and wait. Still with his eyes closed, Castiel’s brow starts to furrow.

His brother notices there’s a problem first, “Problem, Cassie?”

Castiel opens his eyes and actually looks surprised, “There’s… nothing. I can’t make a connection.”

“That… doesn’t sound right.” Balthazar looks confused and his eyes glance up and around at the ceiling as he ponders what could possibly be the reason for that. “Oh, dear. I think we may have a problem. Tell me something else, you both said you were actors, yes?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”  Jensen is trying to mask his worry with annoyance, but no amount of acting can hide the fear turning in his gut.

Balthazar rolls his eyes, “Humor me.”

“Yeah.” Jared decides the best way to get home sooner is to answer Balthazar’s questions, however inane they seem to be. “That’s how we know who all of you, and Sam, and Dean are.”

“So,” Balthazar pauses and everyone else knows he’s doing it for a dramatic effect. “None of its real then?” Realization dawns on Castiel’s face, but the humans are still a little behind and Balthazar realizes that he needs to spell it out for them. “There’s no ghosts, no angels, no demons, or anything of the sort?”

“No… not that I’m aware of.” Jared still seems completely lost by Balthazar’s line of questioning.

Balthazar’s head droops forward, “For the love of…” He really does have to spell it out for them it seems.  He holds up a hand in front of him, bent at the elbow, to make sure he has their complete attention since the actors need some kind of visual to look at since the words aren’t quite sinking in. “Maybe, and this is just an educated guess, Cassie here can’t contact Sam and Dean because there’s no such way to do so in your primitive little world.”

Both Jared and Jensen look torn from looking angry at the insult and having recognition at finally grasping at what Balthazar is trying to tell them. “So, what?” And Jensen isn’t able to hold back anymore, “We’re stuck here?”

Castiel looks to Balthazar hoping for an answer, and Balthazar ponders at the question a moment before answering. “Possibly not, but it does make things a bit more complicated. He glances over at Castiel, “I’ll need some time to find a solution. Don’t worry. We’ll have your pets back before you know it.”

A dark look washes over Castiel’s face, but Balthazar is already gone before he gets a single word out. He’s upset by his brother’s choice of words, but he’s also pleased that he’s finally gone, especially with all the bad news he brought with him. Castiel wanted to check in with Crowley before the most recent turn of events, but now he feels he needs to see him as soon as possible. “I’m sorry for the delay. We’ll have everyone back from where they came as soon as we can.”

“Not soon enough.” Bobby looks pissed, but all things considering, he’s doing a well enough job to keep himself from yelling. “Well, better hop to it. Chances are Sam and Dean aren’t going to do it themselves.”

Castiel nods and turns away to leave, but apparently Bobby knows he’s about to leave. “This is your mess, so you better clean it up, and you better take these two boys with you. They deserve to see and hear everything firsthand after this screw up.”

As much as Castiel wants to simply take Jared and Jensen somewhere safe and leave them while he confers with Crowley, Bobby’s right. He had no right to bring either of them here, and now there’s the remote possibility that they won’t be able to return home.

No.

They _have_ to get home. He owes them _and_ Sam and Dean that much. The rebel angel walks up to a very tired and haggard looking Jared and Jensen and puts a hand on each of their shoulders before flying them to what he hopes isn’t going to be a disaster.

221 Piermont Ave, Bootbock, Kansas.

 

_______________

 

The trio arrives with the sound of Castiel’s fluttering wings. The sound, however, doesn’t disturb the demon leaning over and looking down at an examination table with his back to them.

“Coming to check up on me again so soon?” His voice is deep and has a noticeable accent. “I’m going to start to think you like seeing me if this keeps up.”

Jared and Jensen can already know who it is, but are rendered silent at their surprise. The lack of response causes Crowley to stand up straight cautiously and slowly turn around to make sure he was correct in assuming which angel suddenly appeared. What he had not expected to see was the Winchester brothers staring back at him.

“What the bloody hell are they doing here?!” Crowley’s temper went from zero to ‘I’m going to burn your house down with you on the ceiling’ in a flash.

Castiel steps forward so that he’s pushing himself between Crowley and his temporary charges. “I assure you they’re harmless.”

The demon stares at him in disbelief one second, “Harmless?” And turns bright red with fury the next, “Harmless?!”

“Wait.” Jensen steps to the side, and to Castiel’s worry, out from behind the angel. “You’re working with Crowley? _Crowley_? Man. Even I know that’s bad and I don’t even watch the show.”

The crossroads demon’s rage quickly forms into confusion and his brow creases down. He takes a step towards Jensen, who he still assumes to be Dean, but Castiel cuts him off by standing in front of him again.

Crowley rolls his eyes at his overprotectiveness, “Oh come off it. I’m not going to hurt them.” He pauses. “Well, not unless they start it first. Then I will hurt them a good deal.” He ignores the glare from Castiel and walks over to Jared who’s eyes go wide and travel to where Castiel and Jensen are standing and then back at the demon now within arm’s reach of him. Crowley squints his eyes and looks over Jared once before he pokes him hard enough in the chest causing Jared to take a step back.

When Crowley turns to look back at Castiel, the angel is surprised to see a look of complete confusion and the most extreme one he’s ever seen on the demon. “Do I even want to know?”

“It’s a long story and doesn’t concern you.”

“Oh, I feel like it concerns me a good deal.” Crowley’s voice starts out light, but gradually morphs into the loud, waspish tone it was earlier, “especially if you’re bringing _them_ ,” He points at each one respectively, “ ** _here_** _!”_ Crowley looks at Jared again and pokes him again who jumps slightly at the touch, “He’s still a moose.”

Jensen laughs which brings the confused look back on the demon’s face.

“Castiel, your new blow up dolls are starting to freak me out. Can you get rid of them please?”

“That’s why I’m here.” Castiel hates working with Crowley, not to mention his non-stop hatred for the Winchesters, but he’s out of other options at the moment.

A smug smirk crawls on Crowley’s face as he grabs one of the knives from the examination table, “Oh, I can help you with that.”

Jared and Jensen both start backing away hurriedly from the demon. Castiel doesn’t move, but he sends another glare in the demon’s direction, “Not to kill them.”

Crowley’s eagerness deflates as he throws the knife back on the table and crosses his arms. “Spoilsport.” He walks over to a smaller, wooden table and pours himself a drink, “Well then, you’re going to have to fill me in a bit. I’m going to need a little more to go on than… well, nothing really.”

“These are not the Winchesters, and they’re not from here.” Castiel is already tired of explaining this repeatedly and it shows in his tone.

The demon’s head turns and juts forward slightly in a way to prompt Castiel to continue. When nothing follows, Crowley gives in and pushes, “Yes? And?”

“And we need to send. Them. Back.” Castiel has no idea why he has to continue repeating himself, he thought Crowley would at least be able to pick up on it the first time it was said.

Jared can see that Castiel and Crowley appear five seconds away from a rather heated argument, and considering he and Jensen probably wouldn’t survive such argument, he decides to step in. “We’re actors.” That has Crowley’s attention. “We play Sam and Dean on a T.V. show, but none of it’s real.”

“You’re joking.” The looks Crowley receives when he glances at each one of them tells him otherwise. “Apparently not. Anything else?”

Castiel doesn’t want Crowley to know any more of the details because there’s no guessing what he might get up to if he hears the Winchesters are trapped in Jared and Jensen’s world, or even if the demon would help bring them back if he knew. So when Jared is about to speak up again, Castiel holds up a hand to cut him off. “We believe there’s no magic or anything supernatural in their world, so we’re having trouble sending them back.”

“Not possible.” Crowley’s response is certain. “It shouldn’t be possible to perform in the first place if that was the case.”

He’s right. The facts don’t match up. It’s true that he was not able to contact Sam and Dean for what he and Balthazar was a lack of ability to make a connection, but if there wasn’t any ability for magic the spell shouldn’t have worked. Something else is keeping him from contacting the Winchesters and possibly keeping the return spell from working. His mind races at thinking about what could possibly have that power, especially when considering that no one in that world believes magic or the supernatural exist.

Sam and Dean could be in trouble, and if they are it’s Castiel’s fault.

Without a word, Castiel spins and grabs both of the actors firmly by their arms and flies them back to Sioux Falls.

Crowley now stands alone while holding his drink and raises the glass at the now empty room. “You’re welcome.”

 

_______________

 

Jared and Jensen collapse on the floor seemingly startled at the more sudden than usual disappearance after Castiel releases them. He ignores the groans and complaints and walks up when he sees Bobby and Balthazar talking with each other.

“There you are!” Balthazar looks relieved at their arrival. “Where in the world did you go? I couldn’t sense where you went.”

“I believe Sam and Dean may be in trouble.” He decides to get the news out as quickly as possible because, as far as Castiel is concerned, they don’t have any more time to waste.

“So nothing’s new then?” Balthazar tries to joke, but sighs when he notices that Castiel isn’t buying into it. “Well, that explains a few things actually. I heard that Virgil went after Sam and Dean, and Raphael himself is going to open a portal to bring him back tonight. So good news, he bought the bait. Bad news, Virgil is more than likely trying to kill Sam and Dean to get a useless key.”

“Virgil?” Castiel is fuming for Balthazar not mentioning anything about Virgil working with Raphael sooner.

And Balthazar picks up on it and gives Castiel an open lipped frown, “Ah, yes. I may have forgotten to mention that. Okay. Worse news, Virgil may have been the one to see Sam and Dean take the key.” Castiel grabs Balthazar by the collar of his shirt and seethes down at him. “Now, now. You can yell at me all you want later, but shouldn’t we be plotting how to bring your boys back?”

“He’s right,” Bobby cuts in. “But later we can take turns holding him down while the other one beats him.”

Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn’t debating on taking Bobby up on that offer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank goodness I’m finally finished with this thing. Thanks to everyone who supported me along the way with my first (first started anyway) fanfic! Sorry it took so long to finish this, I hope it was worth the wait. I could do a continuation, but I mainly just did this to fill some plot holes (though I made a few new ones I’m sure) and to see the other half of my fav SpN episode.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

 

**Chapter 15: Oh, Baby. You are so Talented, and They are so Stupid.**

_“Ah, yes. I may have forgotten to mention that. Okay. Worse news, Virgil may have been the one to see Sam and Dean take the key.” Castiel grabs Balthazar by the collar of his shirt and seethes down at him. “Now, now. You can yell at me all you want later, but shouldn’t we be plotting how to bring your boys back?”_

_“He’s right,” Bobby cuts in. “But later we can take turns holding him down while the other one beats him.”_

_Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn’t debating on taking Bobby up on that offer._

 

_______________

 

Castiel is still fuming at Balthazar. It was one thing to hear that Virgil went after Sam and Dean from Jared and Jensen, but to hear that Virgil was after them from the beginning because of his brother is something else entirely. He knew Raphael was going to send someone after them, which was the point, but he was expecting them to have more time to prepare against any angels his brother might have sent against them.

Jared, Jensen, Castiel, and Balthazar make their way to the hotel where Raphael is supposedly going to bring Virgil back. Castiel tells Balthazar to see if he can keep an eye on Raphael, while Castiel attempts to send Jared and Jensen back again. Balthazar concedes and then tells the two actors farewell, leaving the two alone with Castiel again.

“Castiel, erm. Cas.” Jared doesn’t think he’ll ever be used to calling an angel by a nickname even though it exactly like it is on the show. He’s still not used to the fact he’s been around so many, let alone one, angels. “About Crowley…”

The thought dies when Castiel sends him a look to drop the conversation, and the three sit in uncomfortable silence. Neither Jared nor Jensen know how much time passes, but eventually Castiel looks up and around curiously. Before either of them can ask what’s going on, the two are ripped off their feet towards one of the motel windows. The last thing the see is Castiel’s shocked face as they’re pulled into darkness.

 

_______________

 

The two actors pull themselves off the ground and then they stand up, their faces pale.

Lying on the ground at their feet, Jared sees the bloody bodies of several crew members. One appears to be Robert Singer and another looks like Eric Kripke himself. “Oh my God! What happened?”

Jensen looks away from the people he used to work with on a daily basis, lying lifeless on the ground. “Sam and Dean Winchester. What do you think happened? Death and destruction follows those two around like our fans follow us at conventions. Hell, they’re on a first name basis with Death!”

“I’ll take fans over the supernatural and evil any day.” Jared tries to tear his eyes away from the carnage, but it’s everywhere and he isn’t sure where to look.

“Yeah, me too. To be honest I kind of miss the conventions.” Thinking about it now, Jensen feels that he and Jared might have taken them for granted.

They hear commotion inside the building where they shoot most of the scenes and both are running off towards the sound. When they get there, they can’t believe what they’re seeing. More bodies lie on the ground including Lou Bollo and that one guy who knows everything about the series’ mythology. They’re surprised, however, to see one crew member dodging an attack by who they can only assume is Virgil not once but twice before stepping behind a set wall and out of sight.

Immediately after that they see Sam, and boy is that weird for Jared to see, jump out and yell at Virgil causing the angel to turn around and face him. Dean tackles Virgil to the ground once the angel’s been distracted and Jared and Jensen decide to stay hidden when they realize they look exactly like the two Virgil’s trying to kill. On top of that, explaining the whole ‘double’ thing to Sam and Dean sounds like more work than they would like. Knowing the brothers, they’d shoot Jared and Jensen first and ask questions later.

Something’s wrong though. Jared sees something that shouldn’t be possible. Sam and Dean are still here. “Jensen,” He keeps his voice low to avoid drawing attention to them. “Shouldn’t they already be back? I thought it was a same time thing.”

“I dunno, but if they take care of the guy before leaving I won’t complain.” Jensen just hopes they don’t leave the angel behind because Jared and Jensen don’t stand a chance against him.

They hear fighting, but avoid from watching to avoid from being seen. The fighting stops and they aren’t sure who won, but then they hear Sam speaking faintly. Jared and Jensen think they can make out “got it,” “Raphael,” and “Run!” Anything that might have been said after is lost on the sound of glass breaking, or rather the sound of two people being thrown through a window.

They believe Sam and Dean won the fight against Virgil, and when they walk out from behind they’re cover they both have to cover their eyes from a bright white light that fills the room.

“Hey, Chuckleheads.”

Jared and Jensen know that voice.

As the light fades away they yell out in unison, excitement in their voice and smiles on their face, “Serge!”

Serge Ladouceur, Supernatural’s very own Director of Photography. Both Jared and Jensen are thrilled to see a familiar face, one’s that’s still alive at least, but it’s a short lived feeling. They witnessed their Director of Photography dodging bullets like it an everyday thing. On top of that, he doesn’t even look like Serge anymore. In fact he looks more like…

“Richard?” Jared tries hesitantly when he sees that one co-worker magically transformed into another and slightly shorter one.

“Nope!” The voice matches the face now, and the supposed ‘Richard’ has a huge smile on his face. “But don’t mind me. I’m just on vacation.”

Jared gulps loudly. “Gabriel.” It’s not a question. He knows exactly who it is even if he doesn’t watch the show. He is seriously considering on changing that when this is all over.

 “I knew it!” Jensen points at Richard, no Gabriel, “I knew you were somehow behind this.” He then points at Jared, “I told you. Didn’t I tell you?” Jensen looks back at Gabriel with a slightly smug look. “Your name was popping up all over the place and knowing your M.O., there’s no way that was a coincidence.”

“Gold star for Jensen!” Gabriel walks past Jensen and slaps him hard on the shoulder as he walks by causing the taller man to flinch with a small ‘ow.’

Jared still looks unconvinced even though he’s the one who figured out who it is first. “But Castiel said there’s no magic in this world.”

“First off, that’s what he originally said.” Gabriel snaps his fingers and a candy bar appears out of thin air and he starts to unwrap it. “Then he figured out something was causing the problem instead.”

“It was you!” Jared exclaims, shock written all over his face.

Gabriel looks proud at the accusation, “Guilty! Helping in my own special way really.” “No magic, and yet Virgil, the newly turned paperweight,” Gabriel kicks his foot against the now cold, lifeless vessel, “Manages to make a collect call to Raph. Actually I was taking a big chance there. I thought the Winchesters would have caught that one.” He spins around to face the two wary humans again, “Maybe I should use some extra help more often.” Gabriel turns his head and calls out to someone off to the side somewhere, “Right, buddy?”

Jared and Jensen can see someone emerging from the shadows, one who appears to be covered in blood and texting on his phone, “So long as I don’t have to die again. I really liked this sweater too…”

The man looks up from his phone and the two actors are surprised to see another recognizable face. “Misha?!”

Misha Collins, a face they’ve seen a lot of in the last forty-eight hours, but thankful the person they are more familiar with. The man in question puts his cell phone away and looks at them with a small smile. “Hey, guys.” They’re even thankful for the higher change of octave in his voice.

Their fellow actor is soaked in blood and the sweater he was referring to is completely ruined, but it doesn’t stop Jared or Jensen from wrapping their arms around the dark haired brunette in a tight hug. “Oh. Okay.” Misha pats both on the shoulders awkwardly and looks over at Gabriel who simply shrugs his shoulders. “Now I feel bad that I thought I was helping prank you at first.”

Jared and Jensen release Misha and look at him questioningly, and Misha looks between the two with an uneasy grin, “You know, for that thing you did last week?”

Jensen lightly smacks an arm against Jared side, “I told you he wouldn’t let that go.”

“So,” Misha wipes some of the dry blood on his neck where it is starting to itch. “That was the real Sam and Dean then? Explains a few things.”

Gabriel bursts out laughing and Jared and Jensen both look startled by the outburst almost forgetting the archangel was there in the first place. “You mean like their acting?”

Misha chuckles as he crosses his arms and closes his eyes at recalling the memory, “If I wasn’t in so much shock, I would have been laughing at them.”

The archangel sighs and wipes a tear from his eyes as his laughs start to die down, and then he looks around. “Virgil really made a mess of things, didn’t he?” He smirks again and snaps his fingers. The dead crew members and sets disappear and Misha’s clothes are clean. “Good thing those were all fake, right? My own actors,” He slings an arm around Misha’s shoulder, “Plus one real one.” Then he uses his free arm to wave around where everything used to be, “My own sets. My own sets _in_ sets.”

Gabriel holds up his index finger as he looks at Jared and Jensen with the proudest look they’ve seen yet. “And this time,” He waves his arms from left to right, “I fooled _everyone_ , including the Winchesters. They all fell for it.” Gabriel leans back for emphasis bringing Misha with him in the process. “ _Completely_.” Standing back upright, Gabriel releases his arm from around Misha which nearly causes the actor to fall flat on his back. “Hell, they even paid me to give them the most farfetched part of my plan and the one clue that would give me away. Even Virgil didn’t think twice.” The archangel glances over and takes another look at the unmoving vessel, “He didn’t even know I was right around the corner from him.”

Jensen points at Gabriel again, “You were the one who told me to take the rock!”

With an eyebrow raised, Gabriel looks unperturbed by yet another accusation being thrown at him, “You sure like to point, don’t you? But to answer your _not quite_ question, yes. That was me. I would have figured you would have taken the blasted thing with you since I have a feeling it’s going to be useful in the future, but throwing it at my reckless brother, Shemi, works too.”

“Aren’t you going to help them?” Gabriel rolls his eyes at Jared and his ability to mimic the sad puppy eyes he’s seen from Sam Winchester first hand since Mystery Spot.

“Nah.” The angel waves a hand dismissively at them. “I know those monkeys can take care of things. That’s why I trusted them in the first place.” He purses his lips, “They’ll break a bunch of crap on the way, but they usually get the job done. Usually. Besides, he’s not the one I’m worried about.”

Jared sighs, “You mean Castiel? Yeah. Us too.”

“Call it a gut feeling, but I think things are going to get a lot worse for that kid before they get better.” It’s almost strange for the actors to see such a serious face on Gabriel, which they all find odd since it’s the same face as Richard has.

“Um,” Apparently Jared still has more questions, “Not that I’m complaining or anything, but how did you survive?”

The question seems to trigger curiosity in Jensen as well, “Yeah, I thought Lucifer killed you?”

Rather than answer right away Gabriel pulls an odd sharped object from his pocket, “Here. I’ll trade you.” When the others stare at him blankly, he looks right at Jensen and points toward his pocket.

Jensen reaches in his pocket confused, but his eyes widen slightly when he feels the bite of cold metal against his skin. He stares at the object he pulls out from inside his pocket and remembers that he’s had it the entire time. Jensen meant to hand it off to Castiel, but with the sudden arrival of Sitri and Zepar taking the Burning Bush, he didn’t realize he slipped the whistle into his pocket. When he did remember, it was right before the whole Wormwood thing and things got sidetracked from there. He tosses the whistle towards Gabriel who catches it without blinking.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for this thing. I couldn’t remember where I put it down and then I realized I hid it a little too well.” Gabriel tosses the object he’s been holding at Jensen who flinches as he catches it. “What? Balthy isn’t the first to smuggle things out of Heaven.”

Jensen inspects the object closely as Jared and Misha lean over Jensen’s shoulder to look at the device. He’s never seen anything like it before, it looks like it glows from the inside, but it doesn’t appear to be producing any light outside of it. The shape is bizarre, like it’s trying to be a shape within a shape within a shape and at the same time being its own unique one. He can make out lines and circles within it, hiding behind the almost natural glow. “What is it?”

“That,” Gabriel points at the glowing contraption, “belonged to a dear friend of mine. And by friend, I mean coworker, and by belonged to I mean I borrowed it.”

Jared looks up from over Jensen’s shoulder and says a bit louder than he intends, “You stole it?”

The archangel throws up his arms. “Tomato. To _mah_ to.” He then slaps a hand on Misha’s back causing the actor to stumble forward a bit.

“I didn’t believe it at first,” and Misha manages to regain his composure. “It’s Metatron’s Cube.”

Jared and Jensen stare blankly at Misha, which causes the shorter actor to laugh, but it fades when the others don’t respond. “You… you really don’t know what Metatron’s Cube is?”

Gabriel chuckles as he finally starts eating his opened candy bar, “What isn’t it? No, seriously. You can almost do anything you want with that thing, but I’d be careful because that bad boy has enough juice to bend reality or wipe out Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, the Faerie Realm of Avalon, and Earth combined.” He takes another bite, “Not to be taken lightly.”

Jensen’s eyes go wide as he stares at the so called ‘cube’ in his hands. He tries passing it off to Jared who quickly backs away and holds up his hands refusing to take the offered object. Jensen then turns and hands off Metatron’s Cube to Misha who takes it with a raised eyebrow.

Jared still hasn’t taken his eyes off the glowing object, “So you never answered the question. Is that what saved you? How?”

“Oh, no, no, no, no. That’s a secret.” Gabriel finally finishes eating his chocolate and starts rummaging in his coat pocket. He pulls out a sucker and starts unwrapping it, and the three humans simply stare at the archangel incredulously. Gabriel pops the sucker in his mouth for a second and takes it back out long enough to answer, “Okay, fine! I’ll give you the details on the way. It’s not like anyone’s going to believe you.” He sticks the sucker back in his mouth and throws an arm up and around Jared and Jensen’s shoulders, leading them forward towards an open field.

Jensen stops, “Wait, where are we going?”

“What?” Gabriel rolls the sucker to the other side of his mouth, “You think it’s all over? Oh, come on. The fun’s just getting started!”

 

**\- END -**


End file.
